I know they say they’re trying to strike a blow at their Zionist oppressors, but I dunno. Maybe they’re just bored. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop, after all. So here’s a list of 30 suggested activities for Hamas operatives to try, all of which would be infinitely more productive than what they are doing now.


  1. Bake cookies
  2. Take a family trip to the beach
  3. Organize a potluck iftar
  4. Write a strongly worded letter to Ismail Haniyeh c/o Club Hotel Qatar
  5. Beat rocket launchers into plowshares
  6. Take music lessons and
  7. Brush up on Hebrew grammar (Seriously. That music video was ridiculous.)
  8. Open a Domino’s Pizza branch in Gaza City
  9. Take a nap
  10. Shake out your sillies
  11. Do the hokey-pokey
  12. Hold a burqa babe beauty contest
  13. Choreograph a 1.5 million person flash mob
  14. Write a national anthem
  15. Have a feminist revolution
  16. Learn to surf
  17. Post bomb shelter selfies. Oh, wait…
  18. Zumba
  19. Plant a community garden
  20. Send more threatening text messages. Some people (like me) are feeling left out.
  21. Have a keffiyeh/hijab freeswap
  22. Finally take care of those home repairs your wife has been bugging you about
  23. Crochet an afghan
  24. Start a green, Arabic-embossed sweatband gemach
  25. Protest the price of cottage cheese (You’d be surprised what this can accomplish.)
  26. Play Candy Crush
  27. Listen to Bob Marley
  28. Watch the original Star Wars Trilogy
  29. Start an interpretive dance troupe
  30. Celebrate Fresh Spinach Day


If you have a great idea for something productive Hamas can do with their time, let us know in the comments!

(Thank you to Facebook friends who already contributed to this list.)