“This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper”
It’s often the case that when you are facing difficult, emotional or momentous times in your life, you are struck mainly not by the event itself, but by the loneliness it makes you feel.
Because feelings are so customised and personal, we always tend to feel coldest and most isolated when we are hit by emotions, because you can’t really pass them on, or make others feel exactly what you feel.
So today for instance, was my last day at my current job, a job I’ve had for two years, invested in and learnt from.. Hugely. And it was huge for me. But although saying my goodbyes to colleagues and clients was emotional and difficult, what hit me the most, was the world kept going after i left the building. The canal was still the same colour, the busses still stopped in the wrong places, The train was filled with the same kind of 3pm people that it always is. But somehow I expected this week to be different, because I’m different, why shouldn’t everyone else be.
And i guess this is what Rosh Hashana is a little about. We are told not to pray for ourselves at all really on Yom Hadin. But rather slot into place and surrender yourself to the “klal” the bigger picture of all people. Pray for the world, and for justice and for peace. And not be so wrapped up in your own “little” story that you can’t see anything else.
So this Sunday night, when I step into Rosh Hashana, I will try to let go of myself a bit. That’s my new years resolution, think about how I don’t know what is in everyone else’s head, I don’t usually know what’s best for them, or what they should or shouldn’t want and feel. I will try to be more open and sensitive to whatever path or part of their journey they are on. Because it’s not all about me.
I hope that If there is anything I can apologise for or do better, you will be a friend and let me know,
I wish you, all, a beautiful shabbos, a great weekend, and a new year filled with happiness and peace of mind, and all the things that are right for you.