A series of UN resolutions against Israel in 2016 constitute a spiteful backlash against the Jewish state and are nothing short of anti-Semitic.

The motives are so painfully transparent, because, if the UN as it claims was actually a fair and just institution, intervention in Syria would have conceivably been a higher priority. But no, 500,000 dead? Too Hard.

Discriminatory UN logic: Let’s draft an obscure resolution about settlements hindering the peace process instead.

Who are these daft individuals at the UN, honestly, who are they? Are they sociology professors stuck in a long since passed age of idealism? Or are they actually lizard people with devious designs to instill a new world order with ‘shared global values’?

This is what I imagine goes on at the UN with presumably fancier language and diplomatic immunity (joking but not joking).

New UN intern: “But what about Palestinian violence, that 13-year-old Israeli girl murdered in her sleep? Is that hindering the peace process perhaps….?

UN official – “Oh, that’s merely a traumatized reaction to occupation Jo, you’ll understand more soon, there’s nothing else going on here. No, nothing at all inherently violent about the culture or religion here Jo. Religion of peace, remember that line, it’s important, say it whenever humanly possible.”

New UN intern: “Ok, but shouldn’t we look into what’s happening in the Middle East perhaps? I’ve heard things are getting pretty bad over there …

UN official – “Jo, no, I’ve told you, leave it alone, too many of them, too difficult…”

New UN intern: (thinking/contemplating career change) – “Is this a mob organization ….?

UN conference deciding how to reinstate flailing legitimacy:

UN Official 1- “What about Israel? They’re small enough right? We need to get something done this year to hush these damn twittering social justice warriors! Can you think of any in vogue bandwagon causes?

UN Official 2 – “Well #freepalestine always gets traction, actually, I’d say it’s about to time to rehash notions of the eternal Palestinian refugee. They’ll eat it up and we can deflect attention away from our momentous screw ups everywhere else!

I know, let’s all vote in favor of these latest resolutions telling the Jews they have no historical connection to their holiest site and their claim to Jerusalem!

UN Official 1- “That is a brilliant idea, and then when they complain, we frame them as right wing extremists!

When I started writing this, I initially considered an attempt at a more serious piece to describe how pitiful the UN has been, especially in 2016, but then I realized a comedy skit seemed perfectly fitting, because the UN itself, has become a joke. 

Israel offered to end the occupation and settlements in 2000 and 2008 and was rebuffed by the Palestinian leadership yet it remains the only country to have been condemned for an occupation and settlement.

Then, when Israel, a tiny nation, takes the necessary steps to defend their ONE Jewish state, surrounded by 22 Arab countries that either actively call for their destruction, or are indifferent to their existence (‘friends’), apparently it’s ‘right wing extremism’. It’s not, but I can think of other words for it; pragmatism, persistence, survival.

After spending only a few months in Israel, one thing in particular has stood out – Israelis are a nation of successful survivalists. Unlike many of their neighbors who wallow in their own self-created squalor, and then blame the international community for their internal chaos – Israelis have no use for this – they are inherently self-reliant, and refuse to be pulled down by their detractors. Israelis, and Jews in general understand adversity and persecution, and a series of absurd UN resolutions certainly will do little to break their spirit and sense of purpose.

As I searched for a fitting quote to encapsulate the Israeli spirit, it struck me –

“Cause baby I can build a castle, out of all the bricks they threw at me”

Taylor Swift, 2016.

And yes, I did call people at the UN lizard people and I refuse to apologize for it.