During IVF and after – when it sank in that I wasn’t going to be a biological mother – I struggled with different thoughts. Among others, the most basic task any woman could fulfill, I could not. After all these centuries of being persecuted and the six million murders during World War Two, women had to compensate, by giving babies back to their communities. Being part of ‘it all’ by birth – thus, in the story of the so called outer human as serious spiritual practices such as the Kabbalah would describe it – I felt the same load on my shoulders and no one would take it off. Later, I heard back similar stories from women dealing with infertility.
These attitudes of families with children as first-class and couples with no children as second-class are being reinforced via social networks. To be real: posts about travels, experiences, knowledge, personal growth, empowerment, spirituality and art? Depending on who you are, here’s a reaction or two, maybe a like, optionally a retweet or share. Baby posts, the kinds about pregnancy, family portraits, diapers, the first or cutest whatever? No matter who you are, here are gazillion reactions, definite likes, certain retweets or shares. Also, look for those posting approval statements on the new lives as communal numbers games and romanticizing parenthood as if in a theatrical play.
Grow in a different manner
Mirroring all of this should make us laugh. Well, I giggled a lot with some friends. We had a nice glass of scotch and way too many delicious pancakes, while comparing these baby posts and entertaining ourselves from an anthropological point of perspective. There’s much more to tell, but let’s keep that for another time. Moreover, people with no kids know that we are able to lead different lives, full of calmness, purpose, depth or just plain fun. We are able to grow in a different manner, because our schedules are fundamentally different. On top of that, most inspirational and powerful human beings on the planet do not have children at all – often by choice. However, it becomes another story when ‘friends’ make fun of us and wonder why my husband and I are still together. My value as a woman deteriorated from a baby factory to a disposable garbage bag. Obviously, not for real! I am grateful to know way more gracious dears out there.
Here’s the thing: difficult roads often lead to beautiful – sometimes delayed, but always exceptionally rare – destinations. Apparently, there’s a larger alchemy at work. The tasks that I am fulfilling now and will fulfill, are on a whole other level compared to plain parenthood. I am literally saving more babies than each of these parents and blabbers will have. Let me also add that I am happy that other women around me can do it. If one of us cannot do something, others have to, because we are sisters. It is about time to realize that. Also, I believe there’s something beyond miraculously beautiful in the cards. Last, here’s to the 16.5 years of being together with my best friend and family and our 12.5 years of marriage in August, literally more than the blabbers achieved altogether. My husband truly has an amazing wife – in every respect – to lean on and he does, every single day. To the ladies dealing with infertility who feel this: chin in the air, because:
I’m a woman
~ Maya Angelou
Helping people flourish; writing and speaking about taboos and living gracefulness, including endometriosis, IVF, customized care, food, chemicals, lifestyle, living arts, bereavement, loss, domestic violence, honor, spirituality, personal growth, feminine body, empowerment, entrepreneurial spirit, work and marriage.
I am still looking for bookers who can arrange speaking slots outside of Europe. Feel free to contact me. Great thanks.