Last night, the UN Security Council rejected a Palestinian resolution to put a deadline on the Israeli presence in the West Bank. The resolution – which failed extremely narrowly (8 votes for – where it needed 9 to pass – 2 against, and 5 abstentions) – called for a 12-month deadline for negotiations and full Israeli withdrawal from the West Bank and East Jerusalem by the end of 2017.

It gave a rare opportunity to actually celebrate something the UN has done, in this case upholding the leading consensus – at least among the free countries of the world –  that peace must come through a negotiated agreement. Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, however, doesn’t subscribe to this consensus. Determined not to negotiate, and trying to add sugar and water to his bitter lemons, he’s now run off and signed a request to join the International Criminal Court where the PA will be able to try Israel over accusations of war crimes. Presumably, Abbas is not too fussed about his mates over in Hamas’ war crimes, because is it really a war crime if you’re killing Jews?

With these events in mind, and in the spirit of New Year’s Eve, I think it’s time to offer a short reflection on what has been a massively successful year for Abbas in terms of refusing to make peace with Israel.

Without further ado, I present a preview of the book I’m hoping Abbas is secretly working on;

An idiot’s guide to bypassing peace talks and negotiations. 

Step one; join a unity deal with an internationally recognised terrorist organisation, committed in their charter to the destruction of the people you want to claim you’re trying to make peace with. Then, of course, act surprised when they decide to refuse to negotiate with terrorists.

Step two; accuse your peace partner of committing genocide in a war waged by your new unity government pals. Don’t bother mentioning the rockets found in schools or footage of your mates launching rockets from civilian areas. People will forget about all that, honestly. 

Step three; seek a binding international resolution to put a deadline on talks, so that you can just wait that time out and then bam problem solved, Israel has to leave and you’ve not had to make any of those silly little concessions peace deals usually require

Step four; should that fail, don’t let them see you cry. Not like that time you watched Marley and Me. Instead, sign yourself up to the ICC and keeping slinging mud at Israel. 

It’s vitally important that throughout all of this, you don’t recognise Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish state, and, of course, that you continue to incite violence against Jews

And there you have it! Happy bypassing to all!

To those of you still in the real world, happy new year. Let’s hope 2015 is the year we get a negotiated peace deal, With Abbas still in power, though, maybe it’s best not to get one’s hopes up.