A trusted (by some) Israeli news source ran an interesting caption underneath a picture. The picture shows UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon shaking hands with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and underneath it says: “Just good friends.”

Now, as the New York Post might say, just asking…

Because, an impartial observer could be forgiven for imagining otherwise. There’s no good reason, after all, for Ki-moon to be in Tehran this week. First of all, the Non-Aligned Movement is a relic of the Cold War that long ago lost its relevance. The allure of empowering the irrelevant is not lost on the NAM meeting’s host, who, when not putting his foot in his mouth, has a quite a knack for propaganda.

So, no rhyme nor reason, and certainly no logic — who knows, maybe what draws Ki-moon is the one thing that embodies all three: maybe it’s love!

Would it be so strange? Hasn’t Iran’s leadership been putting out signals by throwing this little global party? Putting on the moves to seduce the world into its spicy bedroom of spin where suspension of disbelief is not only de rigueur, but mandatory? Decking out its normally dreary desert military outposts in shiny pink sheeting? Got a recipe here for some bad romance…

It’s understandable how Ki-moon would find it all irresistible. Life in New York moves pretty fast, leaving precious little time for lofty romantic pursuits, of an alternative nature or otherwise. If you’re the head of the UN and you’re going to have an affair, you may as well go big, and go international. Lonely eligible Eastsider meets lonely eligible Eastsider is dull dull dull. You don’t want salt, you want saffron. You don’t just want a prince, you want a prince of Persia!

If you can get past the age difference (at 68, Ki-moon is 13 years Ahm’jad’s senior), you might think the world would be ready to give this relationship the all-clear.

But as sizzling as any international mix might be, would it really be worth the effort? Could it even last? To answer this, I consulted my go-to oracle of all things astrological, the Glamour magazine astro Love Match. So Ki-moon’s a Gemini, his dark prince, a Scorpio. Hmm. Problems.

The zodiac advises against such a pairing. First of all, Gemini is an “air” sign, while Scorpio is a “water” sign. As any East Village fortune teller could tell you (for a fee), they don’t mix (there, I’ve told you for free).

“Dramatic, emotional scenes are what this turbulent sweetie’s all about. And that’s the last thing ambivalent Gemini wants,” the stars say.

And the Sec Gen will be hard-pressed to get around this one:

Scorpio’s passion and intensity frighten you a bit. Plus you don’t like to be controlled and Scorpio can’t help but seize it. Steer clear of this one. 

But perhaps best of all:

You can see through your partner like cellophane, and as far as you’re concerned, he or she is just as disposable. Toss ‘em.

Now seriously Ban: give the citizens of the free world a bit more credit, and quit screwing around already.

 

Frolic at Aphrodite’s Rock in Cyprus: more fun than maintaining a UN buffer zone. Photo AG