If ever you’re attacked by a knife-wielding terrorist, these seven incredible Israeli innovations could save your life, tried and tested over five months of near-daily Palestinian attacks in Israel. They don’t call Israel the Start-Up Nation for nothing.

1. Nunchucks 

Yair Ben-Shabat happened to be holding nunchucks as he walked in Jerusalem by the 185 bus, when a Palestinian terrorist stabbed a soldier on the bus and tried to steal his weapon. “I jumped onto the bus and helped them fight the terrorist,” recalls the unlikely hero. “I took nunchucks out and hit him where I had to for them to be able to pry loose the weapon he held.” #Zioninja.

nunchucks

Zioninja.

2. Umbrellas

UMBRELLAWhen a terrorist began stabbing an Israeli in the stomach and neck at a bus stop in Raanana, a real estate agent clobbered the attacker with an umbrella until he could be held down by fellow passers-by as the police arrived on scene.

3. Selfie Sticks

nitrul-195x293 (1)Matan Choucroun was driving in Jerusalem when he saw a Palestinian ram his car into a bus stop and get out to stab passers-by with a meat cleaver, killing one and injuring six. Matan leapt out of his car, sprayed the terrorist with pepper spray and whacked him over the head with a selfie-stick. The incident prompted satirical TV show Eretz Nehederet to design a mock-up logo for a fictional ‘Neutralisation Corps’.

4. Shopping Carts

Mordechai Stern saved his customers by singlehandedly fended off with a shopping cart two knife-wielding Palestinian terrorists trying to enter his minimarket as they shouted “Allahu Akbar!” The terrorists had already stabbed two Israeli women outside, one of whom — 23-year-old Shlomit Krigman — later died of her wounds.
10iz5e

5. The Terrorist’s Own Knife

CdCe_TtW4AEiAhJ-195x293In a scene straight out of a Tarantino movie, ultra-Orthodox Jew Yonatan Azarihab pulled a knife out of his own neck and used it to kill the Palestinian terrorist who had just stabbed him in Petach Tikva. Like a badass. Azarihab was hospitalised with multiple injuries to his upper body.

6. Guitars

Yishay Montgomery was strumming his guitar on the beach in Jaffa, when a Palestinian terrorist leapt at him from the boardwalk with a knife. Montgomery thumped the terrorist over the head with his guitar, and chased him away till the police could shoot him. The terrorist had already injured at least ten Israelis and murdered one American tourist, near where Vice President Joe Biden was holding a meeting.

Guitar Hero

Guitar Hero

7. The Mayor of Jerusalem

Before the recent escalation, Mayor of Jerusalem Nir Barkat personally rugby-tackled to the ground a Palestinian terrorist on a stabbing spree near City Hall. As his bodyguards pinned the terrorist down, the coolest mayor in the world then administered first aid to one of the victims. The incident spawned a series of memes depicting Barkat as Batman.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Barkat!

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The above post was deleted from the BuzzFeed website hours after being uploaded. It was censored for containing a “political agenda”. Apparently the notion of Jews defending their own lives from political violence is still controversial. So I’ll repost it here instead. Judge for yourself.

Now you see it, now you don’t. (Screenshot of the briefly published BuzzFeed post.)