The strangest thing happened yesterday. I called my friend Falafel in Damascus to get his take on Geneva II and this is what happened.
“Hey Falafel… What do you think of Geneva II?”
“I thought it was such a bad idea. Denzel Washington is losing it and the plot was as pestilent as a Russian Gulag potato”
“Yep, Russian potato sounds about right. Why do you think Denzel loves himself so much in the movie?”
“I heard it made him sick during the shoot. I also heard no matter how bad he was, he was guaranteed free Vodka for life for his role”
Because of the remote possibility the NSA might be listening on Falafel just because he lives in Damascus, Falafel and I created our own code words.
Denzel is none other than President Obama on the even days of the month and Valerie Jarrett on the odd days of the month, except if two successive months have the same number of days, then we reverse the order.
Potato is Secretary Kerry if he was traveling at the time and Denis McDonough if Kerry was in Washington. If both were traveling, then Potato really meant potato.
Vodka is the mainstream media love for Barack Obama. I insisted on Vodka hoping to confuse the NSA into believing we are the Shabeeha killers who love Assad the way NBC loves Obama.
After I hang up, I remembered I did not ask Falafel about what is going in Syria, code free. I dialed him again.
“Falafel… What is happening in Damascus?” If I start by saying “Falafel”, the conversation is code free. If I start with “Hey”, it is not.
“Lot is happening my friend… Don’t you read the news? Moadamieh just received tons of food airlifted by American C-130’s. All the packages have a picture of Obama, even the plastic spoons are engraved with his picture. In addition, in every box, there was a message printed in Arabic from Mr. Obama. It said:
“Remember, if you don’t die and make it to America by some miracle, vote for the Progressive Democrats. Free health insurance, free food, free cell phone, free and illegal immigration, and soon free apartments await you. Don’t forget to blame the Republicans who did not want you to eat in the first place because they are mostly white and rich”.
“That’s great news… Any reaction?”
“I talked to some families. One little boy told me “We forgive Mr. Obama for not helping us earlier. Now we are happy, safe, and full. Our mothers do not die from sniper fire anymore because they are usually out looking for food for their babies. Oh, thank you President Obama. Thank you so much for your humanity. Now I understand why the world loves you so much. You help people everywhere. You are our Muslim Pope”
“What about you Falafel… Are you OK?”
“Never been happier. For a moment, I really believed Mr. Obama was going to let us all die. However, he came through for us, just as President Truman came through for the Berliners in 1948. Do you think if I send him a letter asking to meet him, he will respond?”
“He won’t unless you include a food stamp application with your letter. He depends on your dependency.”