I am filled with grief. My heart aches every time I hear news reports about soldiers being wounded and killed. Why so? I seem to be asking myself this phrase multiple times a day. Really? Seriously? I don’t understand? I am mad. I am angry. I feel like screaming. I am deeply disturbed. I am emotional. I am filled with despair. I need it to stop. I need Hamas to stop. Not only are they taking away the lives of our soldiers, but also they are killing their own people. They simply don’t care. I feel disgusted. I feel sorrow for the Jewish nation. There is a bare pit in my stomach.

Nineteen, 20, 21 years old. Soldiers- men who are drafted into the army. Young men. Men who have lives waiting ahead of them. I can’t help but not to cry. My anger has taken control over my body. My thoughts are consumed with pain. Painful thoughts. A painful reality. Not human. It isn’t human for individuals to act with such hatred and cruelty. How is it even possible for individuals to act so viciously? I want to scream. Tears. Constant tears trickling down my cheeks.

Can you believe it? Open your eyes? Stop hating? Why cant you all see? Why? I will risk myself for the State of Israel. I am deeply in love with the country. I need to go back to Israel. I need to take care of things. Please. I am strong and brave. I will be independent. Just please give me a chance. I believe. I believe in freedom. Freedom for the State of Israel to exist. Freedom for the people. I walk on the NYC streets, it doesn’t feel right. As I see I love NYC t-shirts, I want to see Israel Defense Force apparel.

I use to think that even though I live in the West and my heart is in the East, I was just fine. But now, it’s different. It is more than that. I must fight for my country. It isn’t enough for my heart to be in the East anymore. I must go back, and be there. I need to be in Israel.