(If you’re just coming in to this soap opera/profound commentary, please catch the first few posts. And don’t worry about all the names. It’s gender-neutral.)

Dearest Ernietta,

Send me your flight information. I’ll meet you at Ben-Gurion. Stay as long as you like.

Before you come, please, a little homework.

Check out the English-language Israeli newspapers on the Net. The Times of Israel, especially. Great paper. Start to get a sense of how Israelis talk to each other, what’s on their minds, not what all those overpaid American blowhards think is, or should be.

Read also (good airplane reading) an old book by Amos Oz, In the Land of Israel. He originally wrote it in 1982 as a series of articles for the defunct Labor newspaper, Davar. You’ll be amazed at how little has changed since then. Consistency? Or locked into some bizarre time warp?

Finally, please bring me a couple pair of jeans (36X32), some decent cough syrup, Nyquil or Vicks preferred, and a Costco. If you can’t fit a Costco in your luggage, a Safeway will do.

Looking Forward Majorly,

Berts