Comments on: Finding my mitzvah in losing my fertility

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:31:40 +0000

sorry to tell you that in your case having a non jewish mother, you are according to jewish law a non-jew as well, only way you can become jewish if you prefer to do so, is by converting to judaism, which is done by a rabbinical court, but if you go this path, I would advice you to go to a real rabbi… there are too many just playing the game. good luck in your life.

By: Devora Mason

Devora Mason — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:05:08 +0000

Audrey, what matters is who you are as a person. Men aren't dating a baby machine. They are dating a woman. No situation is perfect especially when people search for circumstance instead of the human behind the situation. Life is complex and I have heard it all. The people who find happiness are the ones who know how to love.

By: Devora Mason

Devora Mason — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:05:08 +0000

By: Harold Berman

Harold Berman — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 08:22:16 +0000

I can so relate – Can't tell you the number of times I've written something that was so clear in my own mind only to have someone else interpret it COMPLETELY differently.

By: Rebecca Salame

Rebecca Salame — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 06:52:33 +0000

I find it weird, unkind and sad that you would even think to write that a woman who doesn't plan on raising children is punishing herself if she loves selling children's clothing, and, in fact, loves children. We all have our unique path, and it doesn't always include raising our own children. That does not make us less able to enjoy the blessing of children in this life. Just something to think about?- perhaps one isn't truly THINKING, but is more likely misjudging, when they say such a thing.

By: Dan Ignorant

Dan Ignorant — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 05:42:20 +0000

Sorry if that was overly negative, but that's the reality of it.

By: Dan Ignorant

Dan Ignorant — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 05:31:46 +0000

I am ugly and poor, not to mention Israeli, so chances are I will never have kids either.

By: Audrey Bellis

Audrey Bellis — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 04:07:14 +0000

not at all Harold, it really could have been worded better. You know how it is, sometimes we stare at these words for so long that it takes a fresh set of eyes to review. It made sense in my head while I was typing lol

By: Stuart Drucker

Stuart Drucker — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 02:01:24 +0000

Harold – Adoption or providing for foster children aren't lesser forms of having children or a 'consolation prize', and adopted children certainly aren't second class people (or Jews, for that matter). My comment was simply meant to convey that IVF with donor contribution is also a reasonable solution to infertility issues that hadn't been mentioned in the original post by Audrey or by other commenters. Which option (or none) that fertility-challenged people pursue is an individual choice worthy of respect. As is the decision of whether or not to have children, for that matter. We all have our personal situations and reasons in making these choices.

By: Stuart Drucker

Stuart Drucker — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 02:01:24 +0000

By: Harold Berman

Harold Berman — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 21:11:10 +0000

Stuart, as an adoptive parent, it's a bit insulting to read phrases like "Adaption [sic] or foster children don't have to be your only choice" when IVF, etc. is available. I've never met an adoptive parent who feels like well, I guess I have these children because it's my "only choice." Any adoptive parent will tell you (including those who also have children biologically) that they feel the same about their children as parents do about biological children. There was an amazing post recently on The Times of Israel about foster parenting – "Saying Goodbye to Nili" by Baruch and Judy Sterman, followed by my own post on adoptive parenting in Judaism – "Real Parents, Real Children." Both worth reading for a good perspective on what foster parenting and adoption is all about.

By: Stuart Drucker

Stuart Drucker — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 20:50:20 +0000

Audrey – I don't know your personal circumstances, but even if you're infertile, you can still do IVF (in-vitro fertilization) with donor eggs. Adaption or foster children don't have to be your only choice if you do eventually decide to have children. However, IVF isn't cheap unless you have an insurance plan that covers it – or you make aliyah LOL.

By: Harold Berman

Harold Berman — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 19:08:38 +0000

Hi Audrey, your response makes perfect sense and I agree with everything you said there – I'm sorry I mis-read it to begin with. I hope all of the "right" things manifest for you!

By: Audrey Bellis

Audrey Bellis — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:28:12 +0000

Thank you Ilan, I am actually almost 27 now

By: Audrey Bellis

Audrey Bellis — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:27:22 +0000

You are absolutely right Harold and I should have worded that better. I do not think adoption is "less than" is any way- my intention was to convey that for some reason those typical responses are delivered as consolation prizes when in reality there is not a need for consolation. Some things happen and we do not always know the reasons, what we are to know and to have faith is that they happen for the right reasons and we (I) need to be open to letting those manifest.