The following is the transcript of a press conference held at Manor campaign headquarters, January 28th, 2014

Amit Manor: Ach! od od! Ken! (simultaneous translation: Good afternoon if you would all take your seats so that we can get started. It gives me great pleasure to introduce my uncle and next President of Israel, Ilan Manor)

Ilan: Hello ladies and gentleman, thanks for coming today. First, I would like to thank my two year old nephew for joining this exciting campaign as my campaign manager. I will now take some of your questions.

Reporter: Mr. Manor, do you support same sex marriage?

Ilan: No. In fact, I am adamantly opposed to same sex marriage. But I am also against different sex marriage.

Reporter: Different sex marriage?

Ilan: Yes. I believe that neither gay nor straight people should marry. Marriage has been linked to obesity, high blood pressure and heart disease and I think it’s time we as a society fight back against this killer.

Reporter: Do you accept PM Netanyahu’s definition of Israel as the Jewish State?

Ilan: I believe that Israel is a Jewish state, but not the Jewish State. In my opinion New York is the Jewish state. Next?

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(Photo Credit: Maya Karpin. In the picture Manor 2014 campaign manager Amit Manor, reporter from CNN and reporter from Fox News)

Reporter: Would support a peace accord based on the “two state” solution?

Ilan: As I have stated in the past, when elected President I plan to focus more on domestic issues than on foreign ones and that includes the peace negotiations.

But since you asked, I am a supporter of the three state solution: the State of Israel, the State of the Settlers and Palestine. I think Israel should unilaterally pull back from all settlements and let the settlers and Palestinian fight it out amongst themselves.

Reporter: In an interview to the New York Times President Peres said he regrets not doing more to encourage Aliyah to Israel. Do you plan to advocate Aliyha?

Ilan: I’m glad you asked me that question. First, let me say that this country has no greater ally than the State of Israel. As President, I will do all in my power to ensure that Israel has the ability to defend itself. My bond with Israel is unshakable.

I also believe that Jews have done well for themselves in this country. Indeed some of my closest friends are Jews. But you can have too much of a good thing. So no, I do not plan to allow immigration of more Jews to this country. What we should do is pay Jews to immigrate to third party countries like Uganda, the home away from home of the Zionist movement.

Reporter: Where do you stand with regard to Iran?

Ilan: I live in Tel Aviv so mostly to the west. Next question

Reporter: Are you in favor of legalizing marijuana?

Ilan: Yes, as long as it is sold only too asylum seekers and refugees. I don’t want it near schools; I don’t want it sold to children!

Reporter: Mr. Manor, you say you plan to focus mainly on domestic issues. Can you give us an example?

Ilan: I think the high cost of living, which was a major issue in the last election, needs to be addressed more urgently. I have some very creative ideas that I look forward to sharing with Minister Lapid once I am elected

Reporter: Follow up question. Could you elaborate on these ideas?

Ilan: I can say that they are really good and that there are more than three of them. Next?

Reporter: Mr. Manor you speak of being elected but have you even begun polling to assess what kind of support you are expected to receive?

Ilan: We were going to save this information for later but I can tell you that in a poll conducted yesterday at my campaign manager’s toddler I received more the 65% of the votes. I am confident in my victory and in the new horizon now appearing in Israel’s skies.

Reporter: With all due respect sir, the President is elected by the Knesset not a toddler

Ilan: Obviously you have never been to the Knesset. Burn!

Amit (campaign manager): Ach! Od! (simulations translation: last question)

Reporter: Do you think that it is safe to elect someone who has been diagnosed as suffering from a mental illness as President?

Ilan: It is true that I suffer from Bi-Polar disease. However, as important as the Israeli Presidency is, it’s not like I’m going to have the nuclear launch codes