Following their concert review which spread on major news sites across the internet, Haaretz retracted their story Thursday claiming that in her Tel Aviv performance, Rihanna replaced the word “umbrella” with “death to the Jews”.
“It was an honest-to-God mistake,” claimed a copy editor. “Our journalist on the scene watched concert footage over and over again and was certain she heard it correctly. We were dumbfounded that Rihanna never even once said the word ‘Israel.’ “
Despite initial confusion, repeated viewings of Youtube footage helped confirm that Rihanna also did not say “Lebanon”, “Saudi Arabia”, “duck-billed platypus”, “oppa Gangnam style”, or “whatchu talkin’ about, Willis”.
After a predictable and vitriolic BDS campaign to convince the superstar singer to cancel her tour, over fifty thousand people packed Park Hayarkon to support Rihanna. The Barbadian singer welcomed the massive crowd with “Hello, Tel Aviv!” An earlier story on Haaretz reported her greeting as “Hello, Zionist occupiers and ethnic cleansers!” but had been removed by Wednesday morning.
Highlights of the concert included hit songs “Please Don’t Stop the Music”, “Shine Bright Like a Diamond”, and “Only Girl in the Country to Soon Be Wiped Off the Map.”