Benji Lovitt
Because the Middle East is Funny
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Haaretz retraction: Rihanna isn’t Nasrallah

Daily admits there were, in fact, quite a few things the super star did not say

Following their concert review which spread on major news sites across the internet, Haaretz retracted their story Thursday claiming that in her Tel Aviv performance, Rihanna replaced the word “umbrella” with “death to the Jews”.

“It was an honest-to-God mistake,” claimed a copy editor. “Our journalist on the scene watched concert footage over and over again and was certain she heard it correctly. We were dumbfounded that Rihanna never even once said the word ‘Israel.’ “

Despite initial confusion, repeated viewings of Youtube footage helped confirm that Rihanna also did not say “Lebanon”, “Saudi Arabia”, “duck-billed platypus”, “oppa Gangnam style”, or “whatchu talkin’ about, Willis”.

After a predictable and vitriolic BDS campaign to convince the superstar singer to cancel her tour, over fifty thousand people packed Park Hayarkon to support Rihanna. The Barbadian singer welcomed the massive crowd with “Hello, Tel Aviv!” An earlier story on Haaretz reported her greeting as “Hello, Zionist occupiers and ethnic cleansers!” but had been removed by Wednesday morning.

Highlights of the concert included hit songs “Please Don’t Stop the Music”, “Shine Bright Like a Diamond”, and “Only Girl in the Country to Soon Be Wiped Off the Map.”

About the Author
Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has performed stand-up comedy and educational programs for groups including Jewish Federations, synagogues, Masa Israel Journey, and Birthright Israel. His perspectives on aliyah and Israeli society have been featured on Israeli TV and radio and in publications such as USA Today, Time Magazine, the BBC, and more. During 2014's Operation Protective Edge, his humorous observations on the war led to his being called in Israel "the only reason to go on Facebook.”
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