I, hereby admit publically, I am a hypocrite. I would like to think that I am not. I imagine myself being openly accepting of everyone around me all the time. However, last night, while watching Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding I found myself narrating the grammar (and clothing, hair, car oil for tanning and on and on and on). I screamed when I recognized the purple building near the courthouse where the couple were planning to wed. How did I recognize it? It is in our very own downtown. I prayed that I wasn’t in the background not only on TV, but doing something more embarrassing than I normally do. Seeing that I am known to red light mosh to whatever pop song is playing on the radio, doing something that would count as embarrassing is substantial.
What makes me the hypocrite is language. I like to fancy myself adept at using the English language. I like my thesaurus. Love spelling and grammar check. Do not even think of sending me a text that ends in a preposition or uses incomplete sentences. Thou shall be shunned. So my girls and I are brainlessly watching my Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding and looking for ourselves in the background. We continue to debate their slaughter of the English language. I have always told, or more accurately nagged, my children into using proper grammar. The payoff is teenagers with incredible writing skills and diversity in their vocabulary selection.
Fast forward the time frame to this morning. I am in the van reciting my Hebrew aleph bet and listening to my tape. I listen to my southern accent attempting to properly pronounce cheit. I realize, I am a disgrace to the Hebrew language. Granted, I am better than most people I know, but there are only about 200 Jews within 100 miles of me. Compared to 99.9 % of the people I know, I rock Hebrew. Compared to someone raised learning the language in a Hebrew school I iz ain’t no good at speaking. I can spew my blessings in front of the common Catholic and sound implausible. (Implausible is the thesaurus recommendation for use in place of incredible. Thank you thesaurus.) Listening to my Hebrew lesson and my Alabama accent attempting to repeat I realize, I am a hypocrite. I can dish it out, but I myself am a failure at a language.
Therefore, I hereby apologize for rolling my eyes and condemning the grammar of the Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding ladies if my fellow Jews forgive me my Hebrew. I can’t guarantee I won’t badger, pester, plague, harass, hassle or harry those that miss use the English language. It is hard to break an obsession. But I will try to be more understanding. I will practice my Hebrew in the privacy of my own home where I hope to not insult the language or culture. I will practice until I speak good.
Note: I know not to use speak good Ms. Cunningham! : ) I should offer a prize for anyone that can tell me how many fractured sentences are in the above blog!