RED SEA – March 05, 2014 — IDF Naval Commandos from the elite Shayetet-13 unit were shocked to discover a payload of Iranian missiles being shipped into Gaza, each with a range of 200 kilometers, had absolutely no gold plating. “This is uncharacteristic of the Persian style,” said elite elite unit commander Doa Adir. “Usually everything is gold.”

Standard Persian Ballistic Missiles covered in their traditional gold. The writing reads, "What do you do for a living?"

Standard Persian Ballistic Missiles. The caption reads, “What do you do for a living?”

Navy Commander, Maj. Gen. Ram Dor of Shayetet-13, who leads the breaching team, said spotting the ship was easy, “You can tell an Iranian ship by the distinct buildup of salt on the side of the hull that tells you which waters it has been through. And also they’re entirely plated in 24 karat gold.” That was true here.

The Persian Ship.

The Persian Ship.

The Persians on board claimed to be delivering sofas and accent tables to the Sudan, and the bill of lading said the furniture was headed for the Persian furniture store “Eh Sefeed Eh Sofas of Eh Sudan”. It’s unclear if the retailer was complicit in the smuggling and they are under investigation by the Style Police. Inside the sofas from the retailer’s “Subtle Collection” the IDF Naval unit found a stockpile of ballistic weapons. “It’s shocking how drab and dirty these things are compared to what we usually find. Talk about dirty bombs!”

The missiles were smuggled inside traditional Persian sofas, photographed here in a Naval warehouse.

The missiles were smuggled inside traditional Persian sofas, photographed here in a Naval warehouse.

One of the filthy missiles the IDF found. Notice the dust.

One of the filthy missiles the IDF found. Notice the dust.

The Sofas were part of the Eh Subtle Selection Collection of Eh Sefeed Sudan Furnitue Shop

The Sofas were part of the Eh Subtle Selection Collection of Eh Sefeed Sudan Furnitue Eh Shop

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, no stranger to luxury goods, denounced the Iranian government. “This is a new low for the Iranian Regime. Israel is a beautiful country full of flowers and scented candles and we don’t need your dusty second-hand weapons littering our view.”

The move is atypical of Iran, where President Hassan Rouhani sits on only gold furniture, as any self-respecting Persian from Great Neck to Tehran (Those are still two different municipalities) does.

Iranian President Hassan Rouhani surrounded by gold. Really. We're not photoshopping this. That's how they sit.

Iranian President Hassan Rouhani surrounded by gold. Really. We’re not photoshopping this. That’s how they sit.

Added General Dor Ledor, IDF Spokesperson, “Please remember to call it the elite Naval unit. It’s important to always prepend units of the IDF with ‘elite’ to counteract the boys’ 18 years of having a Jewish mother.”