I more or less ‘wrote’ this blog post in my head last night when I couldn’t sleep.
It happens to me regularly, that I lie there hour after hour. My mind is all over the place and I just can’t relax.
Apart from going though all the things one has to do in daily life my brain has lately been on a spiritual journey.
I guess it has to do with getting older.

I don’t know how many nights in the past five years I’ve been awake with books on Judaism in my hands or thoughts about Judaism in my head, but eventually something had to be done.

So I did what I had to do: I finally took the first step towards Judaism. Well, that’s not exactly true. I took my first step four years ago but because of certain circumstances it all fell apart before it really begun.

I then took my second step a little over a year ago, but that time it too fell to pieces (which had nothing to do with me).

I just couldn’t seem to find a way to convert in my hometown Stockholm.

Then – very randomly – when I was visiting Israel someone gave me a new idea. I was sitting by the beach in Tel Aviv, with a Jewish Israeli friend currently living in Sweden, and he told me about this congregation in Copenhagen, Denmark.

kim milrell

Photo credit: Kim Milrell.

Back in Sweden I sent them an email and they were very welcoming and asked me to travel to Copenhagen to meet with them. So I did.
After about two seconds I knew that this was exactly what I had been waiting for – or perhaps what the Universe had been planning for me all the time, just waiting for me to be ready.

Of course those two earlier attempts were bound to ‘fail’ as they were not right for me.
Hence I will be traveling to Copenhagen on a regular basis and eventually I will finally become a Jew.
Something I’ve known for the past four or five years would happen sooner or later.

Many of my Jewish friends who were not born Jewish (although Jew-ish with Jewish souls) say the same. “I knew early on that it would happen one day” and “I wish I’d done it earlier”.

So why do I want to convert?
Because I feel at home in Judaism and I feel I belong with the Jewish people.
I had a feeling and an interest very early on. I had forgotten about most of it until I recently found my old-old-old journals. Especially the history of the Jews – and Israel – was fascinating to me as a child. It’s a bit hard to describe but  I was always drawn to Judaism. It’s as if I personally didn’t have to do anything – someone did it for me. Something tried to get my attention.

After these childhood feelings and thoughts I of course became a young adult and I was busy growing up (and I was very busy clubbing).
Most of us grow up eventually and one day I felt empty.

And that’s when Judaism and Israel ‘accidentally’ came back into my life. It was as if Someone had just switched the light on and suddenly it became so bright and clear.

For which I am very thankful as I was in need of some spirituality in my life.

In short Judaism makes me want to become a better person.
I’m pretty decent already, but I most certainly can improve!

Kim Milrell is a pro-Israel blogger at israelism.se and the founder of LettersFromIsrael.com.