We are in the midst of the Jewish month of Kislev otherwise known as the month of miracles. Chanukah, which is less than two weeks away is a symbol of the power of miracles and of our ability to bring light into darkness.
Yet here I am in figurative darkness, feeling crushed because a miracle I have been praying for is not going to happen. As I write these words yet another wonderful person is nearing the end of her life. My heart is breaking for her, for her family and for all of us who have been touched by her. I want to shout out loud and ask where the hell are the miracles when we need them and want them. But I know that no one will answer me because this is not the first time that my prayers for a miracle have gone unheeded.
There is only one certainty in life and that is death.
Some of us will be blessed with long lives, other with lives not nearly long enough. Yet even when we know it’s coming, even when we know that someone has been slowly losing a long hard fought battle against a disease that has ravaged their body, we are still unprepared.
We are unprepared to let go. We are unprepared to think of a world without them. We are unprepared to cope with a life without their goodness in this world. We are simply unprepared for the fact that our pleading for a miracle was unheard.
As I sit here and write this I am amazed at how many deep emotions human beings are capable of and how much pain we can unwillingly cope with. I am amazed that no matter how many difficult times we personally go through or watch others go through we remain feeling and uncalloused. Time and time again we reach out to others to help and in turn we receive help. Maybe THAT is the miracle that we need. Maybe we need the reminder that caring for others and helping others is what will really help us step out of darkness and into light. Maybe we need to be reminded that we have so many little miracles in our lives every single day, miracles that we take for granted.
As devastating as the thought is, maybe the miracles we hope or pray for are not necessarily the miracles we need. Maybe the miracles we need are the ones we see everyday, the miracles of empathy, love and one person reaching out to another.
While my particular miracle is not going to come true maybe Kislev still is the month of miracles. So I am going to ask for another miracle or two. When her time comes, may my friend go peacefully, surrounded by those she loves. May she be rewarded for all her goodness and may her family somehow find the strength to live life with the vitality she always did.