We Need to Understand Why We Don’t Understand.

In his article concerning the new trend of provocative sheitels, he presents us with a number of unanswered questions that I would like to reply to.

Let’s place the focus on the following.

Let’s attempt to understand why women, for whom the highest standards of modesty are their highest priority, wear provocative sheitels.

Let’s attempt to understand why women, for whom the highest standards of modesty are their highest priority, are circling the wagons to protect all sheitel wearers from any type of criticism — regardless of their level of modestly or lack thereof.

Let’s attempt to understand why women, for whom the highest standards of modesty are their highest priority, insist that THERE CAN BE NO standards of modesty imposed on frum sheitel styles without Hollywood’s consent.

Let’s attempt to understand why women, for whom the highest standards of modesty are their highest priority, argue that if really frum women are wearing them, they must be kosher.

Let’s attempt to understand why women, for whom the highest standards of modesty are their highest priority, make the desperate, “we’ve now hit rock-bottom” argument that any hair-covering is better than no hair-covering.

To understand does not mean to condone or to justify. It means to validate the underlying cause for this trend. Once that has been identified one is then able to tackle the real issue and eradicate the desire for these kinds of sheitels.

There must be something deep down really bothering these women with the highest standard of modesty that causes them to act in such a manner.

These women are exhibiting something is lacking in their marriage. They are expressing that some need of theirs is not being met. Lacking an open and honest relationship with their spouse to discuss and tackle the issue(s), they are indirectly screaming at their husbands. “Take a real interest in me” “Stop just loving yourself”

Of course this is not an excuse for their actions but at least we can now empathise with their desperate feelings of despair that causes them to make the desperate, “we’ve now hit rock-bottom” argument that any hair-covering is better than no hair-covering? These desperate feelings don’t come from nowhere.

At times, the men are at fault. They request or demand that their wives dress provocatively. That’s just a different symptom of the same problem. Something is missing in the relationship.

The only permanent solution to this issue is “to fall out with falling in love” as I wrote in my previous article and create a true sustainable loving relationship so that the desire to dress or to be asked to dress provocatively will never ever surface in the first place.

We men need to understand that we don’t understand the hidden motives of women.

We men need to do a lot of learning.