12:10 AM Public service announcement: Men, it’s not a booty call if you just want to use her bomb shelter.
11:46 PM To bolster the economy, Israel sells the Brazilian goalkeeper an Iron Dome for $100 million.
11:33 PM Things get pretty scary in Tel Aviv. Some guy spilled his cappuccino on his crotch after Germany scored.
9:26 PM Both sides call for a cease-fire. At least until Germany goes up 7-0.
7:46 PM Deep thought: I guess war really does bring countrymen together. Remember the past week when we all hated each other?
6:00 PM Accusations arise of the Palestinians falsifying media and using faked images in the PR war against Israel. I just found this picture where the IDF soldier on the left supposedly is about to beat up the Gazan boy in white. Can anyone confirm the authenticity of this photo?
5:30 PM Some members of government have declared their support for the IDF reclaiming Gaza. That would be like divorcing your crazy wife, then taking her back after seeing her get fired and develop a crack addiction.
4:59 PM I just visited the Home Front Command site to check what to do in the event of an emergency. Step 1 was “move back to America.”
4:18 PM Prime Minister Netanyahu has told the IDF that we need to “go all the way.” I just overheard a male soldier on Birthright say the same thing to his new girlfriend.
3:08 PM The European Union’s ambassador to Israel, Lars Faaborg-Andersen, says the EU would like to “express its unreserved solidarity with citizens of Israel.”
After the reporters turned off their cameras, he then laughed and added, “HAAAAAAA!!! That was a good one.”
2:15 PM Defense Minister Moshe Ya’alon: “We are preparing for a campaign against Hamas, which will not end within several days. Especially because I need to watch Brazil-Germany first.”
1:32 PM Yair Lapid says that no Hamas member is safe. Ironically, our Minister of Transportation has said the same about our drivers.
12:03 PM President Obama calls for restraint begging the question, did he write the words from scratch or just copy and paste from his old emails?
11:07 AM Ehud Barak says we have to respond forcefully while at the Haaretz Peace Conference which is kind of like saying we need to eat bacon double cheeseburgers while at the Weight Watchers convention.
8:31 AM Operation Protective Edge is named and launched.