An updated spin on a Tisha B’Av classic
‘Twas the night of redemption and all through the cloud,
vast opinions were swirling extreme and aloud.
As the Aibishter peered through His people’s news feed,
He decided it’s time that Mashiach’s decreed.
He appeared in a dream to the anointed one,
“it is time to bring home all My daughters and sons.
Use the internet to tell the world they’ve been blessed,
in one hundred and forty characters – or less.”
Mashiach set out to broadcast this great news
on a twitter account followed by many Jews.
“It is time,” tweeted he, “to return to our land,”
but the @nytimes crowd did not understand.
“That’s incitement to violence,” the tweeters replied.
“You support occupation, and worse, apartheid.”
“A message from Gd -if He even exists –
would never take up a position like this.”
Mashiach then googled a new destination
to tell all the world it was time for salvation.
He tweeted “Geulah! It’s come down from heaven”
to a twitter account managed by Arutz Seven.
Then came the replies in English and Hebrew:
“You say you’re Mashiach, are you even a Jew?”
“Redemption can’t start with a statement so weak.
We must crush them as Maccabis did to the Greeks!”
“Maybe twitter just isn’t the forum for me,
how else can I spread the word digitally?”
Next he tried out The Yeshiva World dot com
and the talkbacks ensued full of daggers and bombs.
“I will bet that this poser eats cheese with his bossur.”
“Did this shaygets forget that computers are assur?”
“There’s no way that Mashiach would spread his nevuah
on a network corrupted by pritzus and tumah.”
At this point Mashiach felt down and dejected,
and decided it best he instead disconnected.
The people aren’t ready, for redemption they’ll wait.
So Mashiach signed off with this status update:
“The feelings you hurt simply can’t be deleted,
and it’s still Lashon Hara if it’s texted or tweeted.
Back before there were message boards facebook and twitter,
we shared our emotions through tears on our Siddur.
The internet can bring us closer than ever,
but instead we’re careless and these ties we sever.
We must speak with respect to our virtual friends,
and think twice ’bout our message – before we hit send.”