July 3rd, 2013 – The British parliament passed a controversial law that now makes it illegal for citizens of United Kingdom, British Crown dependencies and British overseas territories to engage in activities on July 4th of every year that could be construed as a celebration of American Independence Day.

Specifically, the ‘Nakba, 1776 Law’ makes participation in the following 4th of July celebratory observations punishable by three years’ imprisonment:

  • Eating fried chicken, banana split ice cream, Tatter Tots and other assorted ‘Yankee’ dishes
  • Getting swept up in a wave of unbridled (‘American’) optimism
  • Wearing a Stetson Cowboy Hat (“Essence of the American Spirit”)
  • Buying and selling of rockets, fountains, artillery, cakes and all novelty fireworks
  • Whistling ‘Dixie’

The name of the law is inspired by the Arab Nakba Day, which commemorates what the Arabs see as the disastrous results of Israel’s War of Independence in 1948.

Initiated by MP Wesley Mann-Tooth (Pax Britannica List), the ‘Nakba, 1776 Law’ is meant to memorialize the thousands of British troops who were killed in the American Revolution.

During the heated parliamentary debate leading up to the passage of the law, several exchanges of harsh words took place between British Prime Minister David Cameron and MP Mann-Tooth.

One such exchange occurred when Cameron called the initiative “loony” and told Mann-Tooth: “I am struck dumb by your quackery. Are you high, good sir? When did the British Parliament become Tatooine, last refuge of charlatans, scoundrels and peddlers of poisonous muck? Dear god!”

Mann-Tooth responded by saying: “Quackery? Well, I have a right to quack, this is a democracy.” Cameron then replied: “On this black night we turn to the world’s biggest drug companies with a request to receive the new generation of antipsychotic medications, to be injected post-haste into the pale, soft, flabby derrière of one Wesley Mann-Tooth.”

The drama reached a peak when Cameron asserted that the British Nakba bill was an attempt at legitimizing the wishes of a loud vocal minority to dismantle the American constitutional republic.

The law approved on Wednesday is a moderate version of MP Mann-Tooth’s original initiative that had pushed for the right of return of the descendants of British troops who served the monarchy in a war that began as a skirmish between the Kingdom of Great Britain and the Thirteen Colonies in 1775 but escalated into a world war between Britain on one side and the newly formed United States, France, Netherlands and Spain on the other. The main result was an American victory and European recognition of the independence of the United States.

Mann-Tooth is a descendent of British general Lord Charles Cornwallis, who in 1781 surrendered to a combined American and French force at the Siege of Yorktown – effectively ending the American Revolutionary War.

Regularly referring to the United States as ‘Colony X’, MP Mann-Tooth maintains that these descendants of soldiers who either fled or were expelled from their homes during the fighting that followed America’s creation in 1776 all have the right to reclaim former properties in what is now the United States.

According to Mann-Tooth, the offspring of these British troops now number between five and seven million people.