On November 18, 2012 I posted a longish status update on Facebook that made more than a few people laugh. Earlier that day we’d been bombed (by ‘we’ I mean Israelis, not my family specifically), and I wrote a humorous piece in the hopes of making sense of the senseless. And that should’ve been that, twenty or so lines of vaguely comedic relief.
Except that we went through the whole rigmarole again yesterday. And if reality is going to go with a rerun, then so am I. So without further ado…
You’ve heard the expression “herding cats?” How about “raining cats and dogs?” Picture the following scenario as though it were happening to you.
You are home with a sore throat, and then all kinds of crap breaks loose:
A siren- loud, so loud. Going up and down. Unused as you are to something like that it takes you a second or two to recognize it for what it is: this is your wake-up call, your psychotic neighbors to the south are trying to kill you and you have only a few seconds to get to the bomb shelter in your basement.
The mother of all adrenalin rushes hits you.
1. Get wife moving towards the basement.
2. Get kid home from school with a sore throat moving towards the basement.
3. Argue with wife, briefly, whether we really can afford the time to take the cat and the dog to the basement with us.
4. Lose the argument.
5. Find said cat and dog are sitting just outside the front door, looking a little shook up.
6. Herd said cat and dog to the basement. Easier said than done, the very large dog has never been to the basement and is distinctly disinclined to go down, hence the “herding” part.
7. Physically shove cat and dog down the stairs. Wife and kid are, thankfully, already there. Said shoved cat and dog more or less fall on family, like rain.
8. Wait in the basement for about 15 seconds. Feel, more than hear, two strong booms.
9. Ask one another “is that it? Can we leave now?”
10. Check with the two other kids whether everyone is ok.
11. Get the shakes from the post-adrenalin rush.
13. Post experience to Facebook in the hope that this will paint a picture for our friends abroad.
14. Go have lunch.
14 (variant). Go wait by the TV for the Germany/Brazil match. Hope that no sirens go off while Deutschland is beating the living daylights out their hosts.