You live in a retirement home so you see the Over 70s on an hourly basis. You practice patience, you study the habits of the elderly, you make yourself the most patient person in town and finally you know you can handle any situation that demands the slightest sliver of patience – and then you put your name down for an “over 70s” cruise. And in the first three minutes, everything you know about patience goes straight down the tubes. 

The cruise started with a few days in Barcelona and included various bus tours around the city. Finally everyone, meaning 20 elderly ladies and 3 gents were on the bus and off we went.

“It’s too hot in here! Is there no air-conditioning?”

“It’s much too cold in here! I will freeze! Switch on the heaters!”

“I brought a sweater! Why didn’t you think of that?”


Then there was the seating.

“You’re in my seat. I sat there yesterday.”

“There is no permanent seating. I’m sitting here!”


“I want my seat back. I will be sea-sick if I sit further back!”

“That’s my seat! Out, I say!”

The seating war was finally solved by having a quick draw for seats as we climbed aboard the bus.


Then other seating problems arose.

Where do you park your cane in the bus? “It keeps falling and startling everyone. Everyone jumps! It sounds like a gun going off!”

How do you fit a 36inch wide beam into a 24inch wide corridor? “Even when you turn sideways you don’t fit!”


Then there are embarking and disembarking issues.

“I need an extra step to get into the bus!”

Getting down the bottom step is a nightmare. “I go in reverse, it’s easier.”


And short-term memory works on the bus too.

“Driver, I left my cane in that coffee shop. Please go back!”

“Madam, it’s 45 miles from here…”

“I’m sure I had my passport in my hand when we went into that church. Now it’s gone.”

“Why did you bring a passport to a church?”

“You never can tell with these Italians.”

“That’s the third pair of sunglasses I’ve lost in Sorrento. I’ll have to come back. Isn’t that a song? Oh, here they are on my head!”