I keep reading about these “non-binding resolutions” in support of Palestinian statehood by European nations. It’s baffling. If there’s going to be a symbolic high-five with no actual hope of helping the situation, why not vote on a resolution for interstellar travel, or some other fantastical farce that would actually be a step forward.

How about a resolution supporting the development of a proprietary 4th dimension across Israel, so that Israelis and Palestinians can literally coexist in the same spot. We could call it Schrödinger’s Israel – to both exist, and not. This would appease the Palestinian Authority, Hamas, Hezbollah and every other group with Israel’s destruction foremost in their goals.

Heck, this reconciliatory effort may even bring social justice for Islamic State victims. If they’re truly thinking clearly, they’ll pass a non-binding resolution to clear Star Wars-like warp speed for commercial use and find a few identical planets. After that, they can hand out Earth mirrors to the Westborough Baptist Church and North Korea as a reward for their similarly peaceful and impartial views of people they disagree with.

Today’s non-binding resolution by the United Nations and France’s recognition of Palestine seem in line with warp speed and parallel dimensions, don’t they? It’s certainly a wonderful continuation of the fair and impartial decisions by these same bodies, all of which Israel has happily agreed to.

The recent success of France’s science and tech division has already given us a time warp to Kristallnacht with their progressive moves towards peace. Even more helpful to the recent push for peace has been the UN, by supplying Gazan schools with necessary educational materials. With these and hundreds of similar instances in Europe, it’s clear that Israel should take everything they do with the utmost sincerity.

Leaping back to reality, I wonder what hallucinogens were popular in 1964, when the Palestinian charter was written, and subsequently given its invisibility spell to keep anyone from noticing its overwhelmingly racist and warlike nature. How anyone can hope for peace with a group that “uses all means, the most important of which is armed struggle” is beyond me. If only Idi Amin had known to publish his similarly peaceful desires a few years later, then we might be lucky enough to have kept him around a while longer too.

Maybe there were some crazy interstellar flares that caused people to do ridiculous things that year, or maybe radiation from US nuke tests Nevada did something wacky. I really can’t imagine what people were thinking then, and I’m no more certain what Europeans are hoping to accomplish now. Alienating Israel is not going to help Europe, or Palestinians, any more than it will help Israel.

So here’s to hoping for that 4th dimensions, or a time warp to some quality scotch before Europeans break all the good stuff on their charge straight ahead … to peace, er … yea, peace.