(12:8) We are a community in Israel. You can’t do this whole ‘every man what is right in his eyes’ thing.
Not like this community. Just look at the Aron. The ark looks like a scene from ‘Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.’ Who uses neon green on the ark cover? And then hot purple?…I am a supporter, but the ark is not a place for an aids quilt.
Once we enter Israel, there are rules. You make a quilt in unison. Not everybody according to his own…Then the sisterhood had to sew together this fopa.
(13:1) It is simple: You are supposed to do what H’ wants, ‘Do not add upon it, and do not take away from it.’
Everybody wants to make things complicated. It makes it worse. The watermelon, which you all turned into a basket? That was the worst tasting watermelon I ever had. Why did you have to do the little balls? Slices or chunks would have tasted so much better.
Lets take the Talit and make it colorful. No. Black on white. Those are the colors.
Rashi- Make five bands in your tefillin, five kinds of lulaves, four brachot for Birkat Cohanim…The Cohen blessing takes way too long as it is. Nay, nay, nay…They are now drawing out the tune. How about just saying ‘Veechuneka’ already? We are all waiting to do what H’s wants, to say the ‘Amen.’
Do we really need more? Do we have to challenge the Jewishness of others. It is not a game of I can have a more depressing life than you. I can add on more mitzvot. Look at how serious I am. A vein just burst. I have more kavanah than you. Maybe you should have had kavanah when drawing your part of the quilt, Shlomo. You were shuckling the whole time. Moving back and forth. There is not one straight line in your whole square…Are you mocking aids?
Take your aids quilt seriously. We need to do a new aids project…
Do we really need more mitzvot?
And then you take away from the mitzvot. OK, the etrog is expensive. But a lime?
Must I remind you of Aaron’s sons? I know you all like to add little things- build your own alters.
No. You do build little alters. I see you staring at them all day. Your Home Entertainment System. Your little alter, where you sacrifice your soul…I know that is good rabbi stuff. Calm down.
(13:3) Lets give the other deities a try. No. H’ took us out of Egypt. He did his job. No need to keep on looking for new options…Keep to one channel. That is why I never watch TV with you congregants.
The idea of this world is to accept. With all the new that is around us, we must accept the simple. That is the basis of morality.
How do we take the complicated and have it make sense in our simple commitment? Torah. Oy. I have to tell you this????
You don’t just throw up an aids quilt where every little square is an individual’s thoughts. You coordinate…Look at the Winnie the Pooh, right next to Superman. It makes no sense. He is relaxed but a hero?
You coordinate. You make it simple and beautiful and not Neon Green, like the etrog you purchased last year.
We have to be strong against those who try to take us away from the service of H.’ So we can guard the mitzvot (14:19) To do what is right in H’s eyes.’ To cover this Aron/Ark with some respect. A new quilt where we support aids as a community, with some pattern that follows.
***These are excerpts from the sermon. For the sermon in its entirety, come see David Kilimnick perform at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in downtown Jerusalem.
David also tours as a Maggid with very few stories, if you invite him.