As you may have heard Israel has launched an offensive against Hamas in the Gaza Strip. So go ahead and turn on your TV, pull down your pants and start masturbating. Just don’t forget to use a tissue, allright. We don’t want a mess.

No? You’re not inclined to spank the monkey every time you see a dead Palestinian on TV? Ah, I guess that means you are not ‘a friend of Israel’. Because the friends of Israel, according to the lovely Dutch Moroccan writer and TV producer Hassnae Bouazza “experience an almost sexual excitement upon seeing Palestinian victims”. It’s a bit cowardly of her to use the word ‘almost’ of course, but regardless of that isn’t it a shame we don’t get aroused from seeing dead Syrians? We could have had such a wonderful year.

As the world is looking at the Middle East in muted amazement and the Jews prepare to assault the oasis of civilization and humanity also known as Gaza. People naturally ask themselves: “Why”? Why all this violence? Well, thanks to Hassnae Bouazza we finally know the answer: It sexually excites the Jews! Well, eh ‘almost’ of course. Body parts, dead Palestinian children, there’s no way Playboy can beat that. Anyone still buys Playboy these days? Don’t you have Internet? Anyway, you get what I mean. Operation ‘Pillar of Defense’ is not about protecting Israeli citizens against Hamas terrorism. No way. It’s just about Jewish lust.

Makes sense. After all it’s hard to believe that a people that is used to being exterminated in the tens of thousands really cares much about a few puny Hamas missiles here and there. However as the Dutch politician Ronald Plasterk so recently observed: These attacks do provide Israel with a convenient alibi. Finally somebody gets it. Those missiles are simply a good excuse to blast away at Gaza. Because that’s what Israelis do every now and then. Because they can. Because it’s Tuesday or because it feels so good. But certainly not because Hamas has been firing missiles at Israel’s south for years on end. No way.

And anyway if it’s so bad that Hamas is targeting Israeli civilians why doesn’t the Israeli army show itself more often? Can you really blame Hamas freedom fighters when, in the absence of Israeli soldiers in the Gaza strip, they desperately fire missiles at Ashqelon instead?

Really, if it’s such a crime that Assad has been murdering tens of thousands of people because they want to be free, isn’t it also a crime when Israel kills thirty or forty Palestinians because Hamas is using them as a human shield? Syria was immediately punished for misbehaving. The US has imposed sanctions and people have been condemning Syria for committing genocide to keep Assad in power, but Israel is allowed to protect its citizens. That’s so unfair.

And what to think of the fact that we don’t even like our enemies? We rejoiced when the IDF took out Ahmed Jabari. Ahmed Jabari! The man who was instrumental in liberating Gilad Shalit, after he helped kidnapping him and keeping him imprisoned for five years of course. But let’s not talk about that. He was such a wonderful guy. Just watch him sitting with his gun on his lap promising death to the Jews. And do you know what happened? After his assassination a Dutch Jew appeared on TV and called him ‘a piece of dirt’. Isn’t it shocking how we demonize people who call us “the enemies of God that must all be killed“? Why we are still being tolerated in civilized society is beyond me.

So what to think of people like you and me, the friends of Israel? People who do not hold their enemies in the highest of regards, as is customary everywhere else on this planet. Who are ‘almost’ sexually excited by death and destruction. Wouldn’t it be better to exterminate us? You know, in the name of humanity?