As a die-hard Baltimore Ravens fan, I was thrilled with the outcome of Super Bowl XLVII.  But as a fan of the annual paid media spectacle that is the Super Bowl telecast, I was sorely disappointed by this year’s showing.

For the most part, the commercials were dry or disturbing and made viewers wonder why anyone would spend millions of dollars to produce and place them on air.  There was, however, one glowing exception.

Using just the audio of a speech given by American radio broadcaster Paul Harvey at a 1978 Future Farmers of America convention and stills of hardworking ranchers and growers in America’s heartland, Dodge Ram served up a fitting tribute to farmers everywhere and instantly won our hearts.

Harvey’s poem, titled So God Made a Farmer, struck such a chord with me that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.  And it’s clear that I am not alone.  “So God Made a Farmer” has become a full-fledged meme, with new comedic parodies (for everything from cats to liberals to gamers) appearing every day.

In honor of my wife’s birthday, I decided to develop my own version.  After all, if anyone deserves a tribute, it’s her.

And so, I present to you So God Made My Wife:

And on the 8th day, God looked down on his planned paradise and realized that with Humanity set to have its way with the world, He would need the ultimate caretaker. So God made my wife.

 

God said, ” I need somebody willing to rise with the sun after just a few hours of sleep, clothe and feed her young, shuttle them to and from school, work all day to earn a living wage, meet with her children’s teachers in the evening, and then go back to work until the wee hours of the morning.”  So God made my wife.

 

“I need somebody with the aptitude and fortitude to run a business and a household, and the patience and resilience to raise a family and maintain a loving marriage. Somebody who will care for her friends like they are family and be the best friend her family could ever hope for. To prepare bountiful spreads for visiting guests, graciously entertain old friends and complete strangers alike and bid them farewell with a sincere wish that they come back real soon.”  So God made my wife.

 

God said, “I need somebody willing to sit up all night with a sick child.  And rub his back, and dry his eyes and reassure him that everything will be alright because ‘Ima is here’. I need somebody who can sing and dance her way through life, and – without saying a word – make it clear to everyone she loves that her only concern is ensuring their happiness.” So God made my wife.

 

God had to have somebody who would set beautiful tables to honor the holidays and stunning examples to guide her children through life.  So God made my wife.

 

God said, “I need someone capable of being a fearless leader and a faithful follower with the wisdom and sensitivity to know when to play each role.  It had to be someone who would dig deep, play hard, laugh often, share generously, cook up surprises, and bake love into every smile.

 

“Somebody who would be able to tame a stubborn man and truss her brood together with soft hands and a strong sense of family, who would love life but only when shared, and inspire others to become the best versions of themselves.”

 

So God made my wife.

Happy Birthday to the woman who stole my heart over nine years ago. (You can keep it.)

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