Sometimes in the course of translation you encounter a phrase (usually with a sexual connotation) you’ve never heard before. So you Google it. And if you’re lucky you’ll find it on the urban dictionary or on some glossary of sexual phrases. I spent hours perusing these sites and educating myself on a whole new vocabulary. I got a big kick out of many of them. Like “The Tony Danza” Or “The Dutch Oven”. Google it. Or not. So I decided to begin a lexicon of my favorite slang expressions from Hebrew in the hopes that one day someone will use them and I’ll be in earshot. Oh then my life will surely be complete.
“The Masada” This historic mountain fortress in the Judean desert is one of the most popular tourist destinations in the country and the scene of a mass suicide. What few people know is that it has another more dubious act associated with it. That’s right. “To get Masada’d”. It is commonly used to refer to exorbitant efforts a man puts into trying to get a woman into the sack only to find out she’d rather kill herself than sleep with him. Use it in a sentence. I took her to an expensive restaurant, sat through a rom-com, bought her drinks at the club, listened to her drone on about her co-workers and when I wanted to come up to her place for some in-and-out she totally Masada’d me.
“The Bibi” (also known as “The Lapid”). Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. In this country it is an undeniable symbol of wealth, decadence and corruption. The Bibi originates from the nickname of current Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu. In the world of sex terms “The Bibi” references the times that you are at the bar at last call and you look around, and, regardless of how plastered you are, everyone looks hideous. And fat. And smelly. And live in the basement of their parents’
home. So you pick the lesser of all losers to go home with. When you wake up your head hurts, your entire house smells like
cigar smoke and you are flat broke. Use it in a sentence? I got so hammered last night I ended up getting “Bibi’d”. Big time. Now I gotta go to the bank and take out another loan. And steam clean my sheets.
“The BamBisli” This depraved sexual act finds it’s origins in the mash up of Israeli national snacks Bamba and Bisli. Schoolchildren and stoners like to smush them together and create one unholy alliance called the BamBisli. In the world of sexual jargon it describes the confounding union of a beautiful Russian with blond hair and a curly haired Yemenite elf. Think Bar Rafaeli meets the guy who won the Eurovision in the 70’s. Izhar Cohen. Use it in a sentence? I can’t believe that super hot chick is dating that hideously ugly troll. Oh, man they must be bambisling.
“The Simcha”. In Hebrew it means a joy. Like a wedding. Or a Brit. Or a Bar Mitzvah. A joyous occasion in which you want as many of your friends and family to participate and bring you a check. In the sexual lexicon it has a completely different meaning. It means the forceful and non consensual sodomy of complete strangers. As in my wife’s friend from high school is having a baby. She hasn’t spoken to my wife in over a decade. My poor wife. She totally got simcha’d.
“The Arkia”. Arkia is a domestic airline company that runs flights from the center of the country to the southern resort town of Eilat. What was formerly a four hour drive through the desert is now a 45 minute flight. In the seedy underworld of gay sexual encounters it means a mid day quickie, skipping the foreplay and going at it in a public bathroom on some beach. Use it in a sentence? Sure. I arkia’d the hell out of this random twink I met on Friday afternoon and still had time to make it to my parent’s place in Jerusalem for Shabbat dinner.
“Getting Aroma’d” Aroma is probably Israel’s most popular chain of cafe’s. You’ll find them in every mall (sometimes more than one). So what does it mean to get aroma’d? It’s for those times when you invite a guy over for dinner (and maybe sex) and you put on a nice dress. Maybe even play some romantic music. Dim the lights. Put some newspapers on the coffee table. He comes over takes a steaming dump in your bathroom, rifles through your newspapers drinks copious amounts of water from your Tami-4 water machine, eats all the chocolate in your freezer and then bails. Use it in a sentence. That guy was a real jerk. He
aroma’d me so bad it took me an hour to clean up the bathroom.
“Shuk’d”. This colorful term is derived from the Hebrew word for Shuk, meaning open air market. In slang it represents a fetish in which you get aroused by obese, hairy and vulgar men screaming obscenities while loud Middle Eastern Music plays in the background. Use it in a sentence? I met this super cute guy playing matkot on the beach in Bat Yam the other day. We went back to his place and he shuk’d me all night long.
“The Jabotinsky”. This is based on the great Zionist thinker and statesman Ze’ev Jabotinsky. It is also used to denote one of two sexual acts. The first is a fetish for nebbish men with circular glasses. As in, that boy is super cute in a Jabotinsky kind of way. The other, lesser known use refers to a scenario in which you invoke the name of the man to get your partner to perform any and all acts of depraved sex. Usage? My girlfriend didn’t want to do butt sex but I Jabotinskied my way in. High
five. Ewww. Wash your hands first.
“Getting Geller’d”. This is most likely a reference to 80’s illusionist and Israeli spoon-bending sensation Uri Geller. It has also come to mean any inexplicable act that occurs during foreplay or intercourse. As in I totally thought she was a chick until she took her panties off. Tranny! Man she really Geller’d me good.
“To pull a Dubai”. This is a relatively new phrase, having come about after the Mossad’s (alleged) operation to assassinate Mabhouh in Dubai. It means to pull an elaborate, cross continent, fake-passport style espionage scheme to get someone in bed. Use it in a sentence. OK. I used a British accent and my friend’s Alfa Romeo to try and Dubai that Swedish tourist chick into sleeping with me but it all came crashing down when she found my Myspace page.
So there you have it. The more you know people. The more you know. Feel free to contribute your’s to the list.
And if you see me please, please, please don’t simcha me.
Seriously. I mean it.