This morning, I woke up and within an hour became nauseous. Why? I read this article. The article that lists the names of those being released in exchange for the “good intentions” of restarting the peace process with the Palestinians.

My stomach turned into knots. Every single ounce of my being revolted as I read the list of crimes that these terrorists had been convicted of. The article seemed to go on forever, without stopping. I couldn’t even get through the whole thing before becoming completely paralyzed by my own emotions, my memories of my murdered friends 11 years ago at the Hebrew University.

Me, a true leftist, is completely and utterly broken up about letting these murderers go free.

I feel like such a fraud to my beliefs.

However, in spite of my innate feelings, I truly believe that this is the way forward. That without such grotesque steps such as these we have stagnation. That without making these unbelievably awful concessions, this untenable and impossible situation would likely last beyond mine and my children and grandchildren’s lifetimes.

Let me be clear, I hate today’s list, and the lists that will likely come out in the future. I think they are murderous lists. I think that we are releasing criminals who deserve to live out every last second of their sentences.

And yet, I will stand up and defend my country’s right to release them in exchange for even the smallest sniff at a chance for peace. A chance for my children to not learn that the sound of Arabic is anything other than their third language. A chance for us to open our borders and create real, unfettered relationships with Palestinian families who wish for their children’s futures to be as bright as mine. A chance that we can stop the maddening cycle of violence that each generation on this side of the border has learned to shrug its shoulders at and accept as our reality. A chance that my children will not have to patrol villages and cities where we are not wanted and learn to view the other as the enemy.

I will accept this list as a chance for peace. Please G-d, let us not regret it.