The State of Israel gives up: You have won

ATTENTION: Palestinian Freedom Fighters, the BDS, The Non-Aligned Movement and the United Nations

The ongoing protests, violence, attacks on, and murders of, our citizens has gone on for too long. We give in. We give up.

As the State of Israel, we have had to dig deeply and take a long hard look in the mirror. We have to realise that the violence is rooted in deep despair. We have to acknowledge the root causes of the conflict.

The ongoing Palestinian attacks on Israeli citizens, and the associated support of the BDS, the ANC and other freedom movements, governments and NGO’s around the world, has led us to this point.
We have had to think: What is it exactly that they want?

We now know that what you want, is a complete change
You have all helped the State of Israel and its citizens come to this very cold, hard and difficult realisation….

WE ARE WRONG

We have heard your cries. We have seen your protests. We have felt your knives and bullets penetrate our flesh.

We have seen how so many ‘human rights’ movements support your cause.

We now realise that your hatred stems from a deep sense of frustration and desperation. Your hatred of Israel is fuelled by the laws and values that Israel upholds and protects. Your hatred of Israel is justified.

The State of Israel no longer wants to be known as an ‘Apartheid State’.

The state of Israel wants to be accepted and respected. Something clearly needs to change within Israel. For these reasons, The State of Israel will be doing a full 180 degrees on many of its laws and societal norms. We trust that if Israel makes a full about turn, Israel will then be met with support, approval and acceptance.

THE STATE OF ISRAEL CHANGES ITS WAYS

The question is: what do we, The State of Israel, now need to do to appease you all, and liberate ourselves from so many years of falsehood, racism and Apartheid?

There are a few key steps the State of Israel will be taking. We anticipate full recognition and acceptance within the community of nations once these changes are made. The label of ‘Apartheid Israel’ will no longer apply.

1. There will be a worldwide ban on bibles in Jewish and Israeli homes. Jewish, biblical and cultural claims to the land of Israel will no longer be tolerated. Jews will no longer be allowed to read the bible. There are too many references that demonstrate the Jew’s connection to the land of Israel

2. Jews will no longer be able to pray, facing Jerusalem: The texts of the Hebrew prayer books, codified more than 2,000 years ago, will no longer refer to Jews’ yearning to return to Jerusalem. Thousands of years of prayers rituals will no longer make reference to Jerusalem. Facing Jerusalem during prayer will no longer be tolerated.

3. Changes to the State of Israel’s Declaration of Independence: Freedom of religion will no longer be enshrined in Israeli law. The following text from that declaration will be removed within the next 24 hours:The State of Israel…”will foster the development of the country for the benefit of all its inhabitants; it will be based on freedom, justice and peace as envisaged by the prophets of Israel; it will ensure complete equality of social and political rights to all its inhabitants irrespective of religion, race or sex; it will guarantee freedom of religion, conscience, language, education and culture; it will safeguard the Holy Places of all religions”

4. 1.3 Million Muslims living in Israel will be forcefully converted: The State of Israel has heard the cries of its detractors, and has realised that its policies towards minorities is clearly wrong. The 400 Mosques, many synagogues and churches will all be destroyed and turned into centres dedicated to the study of the evils of Apartheid. Israel apologies for protecting all holy sites and ensuring freedom of religion. According to your wishes for a changed State of Israel, this too will change

5. Homosexuality will be punishable by lashing: Israel regrets its open society and its excellent record regarding the treatment of members of the homosexual community. New laws will ensure that public lashings of homosexuals will be conducted on the first and third Thursday of every month.

6. Women can no longer attend university, vote in elections or drive a car: The State of Israel has learned much from its enemies. Israel apologises for affording woman, and other vulnerable and at risk members of the State, full equality under the law. In response to clear and justified opposition to the State of Israel, the position of women in society will be speedily dealt with

7. More land will be settled and colonised: Israel’s painful conciliatory moves with the Palestinians were clearly evil. The State of Israel is sorry. Land should not be given away in an attempt to create peace and engender goodwill with Israel’s haters. The withdrawal from Gaza was wrong. Handing over control of areas in Judea and Samaria to Palestinian Authority control was wicked. BDS, we have heard your pleas for Israel to change its ways. Thank you for showing us we were wrong. Israel will no longer give up land. Colonisation will commence in earnest.

8. Al Aqsa/Temple Mount to be redeveloped: Following the 1967 war, The State of Israel thought it was wise to allow the waqf to retain authority of the Al Aqsa compound. Despite Israel’s liberation of Jerusalem, in the interests of peace, the Jerusalem Islamic Waqf was authorised to maintain its control and management of many Islamic prayers sites, including the Al Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem. The protests against Israel, and the supporters of these protests, have opened Israel’s eyes. With world opinion largely against The State of Israel, we have realised that we must be wrong. We will be redeveloping the Al Aqsa compound into a peaceful five star retreat, where lectures in tolerance will be held 24 hours a day

PALESTINIAN, BDS, NGO and HUMAN RIGHTS ORGANISATIONS’ SUPPORT

The State of Israel, Israelis and most of world Jewry is sincerely sorry for the way in which the state has been conducting its affairs. The Jews apologise for their faith and beliefs of the past three thousand years. The State of Israel now realises that it has been mistaken in the way it has tried to build its society, and the Jews have realised that their claims to Israel and Jerusalem are false.

The State of Israel has heard its detractors, and the State acknowledges that a full review of current laws is required. Societal norms, as well as cultural and religious practices will be modified.
The State of Israel expects the full support of the Palestinian leadership, the BDS movement and anti-Israel advocates, while we implement these changes. Given your illustrious record defending human rights, The State of Israel looks forward to your complete understanding, and guidance, while the State of Israel transitions from this current Zionist/Apartheid regime, to one that better meets your noble criteria

About the Author
Uri Marks lives in Johannesburg, South Africa, with his wife and three children. He is an arm-chair Zionist and laid back Jew, and is very opinionated on both topics.
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