To do today 7/1/14: 
– let yourself feel
– make the lunches…with or without tears
– decide how to tell the children 
– do not tell the 5 year old…it’s her birthday…will she hear anyway?
– buy 4 yahrzeit candles on Agripas – 3 for the boys, 1 for the Rebbe
– avoid meeting eyes with the storekeeper
– notice his knit keepah and heavy step
– wonder how he mourns today, and the woman behind me, and the man waiting for the bus, and the girl with the backpack, and the parents, the heart-broken God-help-them parents, of the boys…
– wonder how to mourn
– notice how the heat wave broke and how the water runs down the street from the morning clean
– feel comforted by the simplicity of a breeze
– feel comforted by the softness of the water on the street
– pay rent for july
– let yourself feel again
– avoid saying hi
– think to call a friend and decide against
– light candles, say tehillim
– cry