10. It’s hard to fill stockings when they’re hanging on the drying rack all winter.

9. Our Chinese food is terrible.

8. “Ruti, the Red-Haired Freicha” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

7. You can’t deliver presents when Santa’s elves are always on strike.

6. If you set up a manger scene outside your building, the municipality tries to tax you on it.

5. The reindeer get confused when they can’t find any chimneys.

4. When you knock on a door to sing Christmas carols, a security guard pops out and asks to search your bag.

3. If you put up a Christmas tree, 85% of Tel Aviv dogs will pee on it.

2. Every taxi driver claims to be one of the three wise men.

1. Santa keeps getting shot down by the Iron Dome.

Merry Christmas to all!

Benji Lovitt will be performing at Limmud UK from December 27-31, 2015. See his schedule here.