I wasn’t raised a “proper” Jew, whatever that means. As such, my knowledge about Yom Kippur is very limited. Being in Israel allows me to see Yom Kippur in action. My quest to find a burger today was a fail due to everything being closed. My beach was completely empty. I saw a massive number of people wandering around on my street while wearing white clothing. Some members of my cohort are fasting or abstaining from watching TV.
What I do know about Yom Kippur is that it is a time to reflect on sins and ask for forgiveness. With that being said, here are my apologies.
- I’m sorry that I gave up my nanny job. As much as I enjoy being in Israel, I miss Jacob, Noah and baby Joshua so much. I miss their parents, too.
- I’m sorry that I can’t be the daughter my father wants. I don’t have a “real job,” I didn’t go to a cheap state college, I don’t have a boyfriend like “normal” girls my age and I like politics instead of Justin Timberlake.
- I’m sorry that I can never please my grandparents. I’m not thin enough, I never became a doctor or a lawyer (or married into money), I delayed graduate school because I don’t know what I want to study, I refuse to see my mother (even though she physically and verbally abused me for 10 years), my job isn’t prestigious and they think I gave up politics. Heaven forgive me for seeing politics as what it really is–a popularity contest–instead of the misguided comments about how it makes a difference.
- I’m sorry that I’ve had the days where I’ve parked kids in front of the TV instead of talking to them. And people are lying if they said they’ve never done this.
- I’m sorry that my dear Fellow, Shelly, is the one who has to keep me in check and remain my source of reality checks.
- I’m sorry that my cohort has had to see me at my worst. I just hope that as the days and months go by that they can see me at my best.
I know that this list isn’t a “proper” apology list but being in Israel and seeing all the different kinds of Jews shows me that Yom Kippur is our own experience.
I don’t know what the year will bring coming forward; I just hope I’m not alone.