There’s a new diet going around the retirement homes in town – the “Over 70’s Special”, a diet guaranteed to keep you remembering what you did both yesterday and 60 or 70 years ago. It will also help you with the crossword and the Sudoku and may even control your weight problem. It’s a diet of Fatty Fish and Green Tea. The Fatty Fish will load you with Omega 3 which will keep Dementia, Alzheimer’s and other unmentionable diseases away from your door and the Green Tea will fill you with antioxidants which will deal with any rust spots or other funny colors on your body.

This diet, fortified with a little garlic to keep other bugs away will also keep unwanted relatives, neighbors and pests away and allow you to age peacefully and gracefully. The “Over 70’s Special” diet has the following optional extras which you may add for extra pleasure:

Chocolate; dark and bitter is recommended; milk choc tastes better and white is out of this world.

Wine. The diet recommends red but I find any color is good. Vitamins are good.

Whisky is great. Here in the retirement home we are leaning towards single malt whiskey as long as our funds hold out. This is undoubtedly one of the world’s great lubricants and does a great job of taking the creaks and squeaks out of old joints.

We also love to think back to some of the great meals in days long past, the huge steaks and fries, the burning hot curries that set our insides on fire, the cholesterol packed goose liver savories and the chicken liver patés. But this is pay-back time, a world of salt-less, spice-less, fat-less, butter-less and taste-less fare. Do not despair, Fatty Fish and Green Tea will brighten your golden days and lengthen these winter evenings. Enjoy!