5 reasons not to celebrate 2014

As the countdown begins Jews should think twice before celebrating the new year. A Jew partying on New Year’s eve is like a feminist supporting the Taliban.

Here is the alternative countdown to midnight, or 5 reasons why Jews should stay at home.

5. The Gregorian Calendar was created by Pope Gregory XIII, often known as Greg to his friends. Pope Gregory decided to replace the Julian Calendar, which he considered inappropriate as the year began to close to Easter. Desperate to find a new date, the Gregorian calendar was based on the Nativity, falling seven days after the birth of Jesus. Effectively, as you raise your glasses on New Years’ eve, you are celebrating the circumcision of the founder of Christianity. Happy foreskin would be a more appropriate greeting, or maybe not.

4  Pope Gregory XIII was no fan of the Jewish people, who he considered “eternal slaves” for killing Christ.

3  In Israel, December 31 is called Sylvester — a term also used in some European countries. Sylvester refers to fourth-century Pope Sylvester who died on Dec. 31 and later became a Saint. He too was hardly a friend of the Jewish People.

2  Sylvester is alleged to have persuaded Constantine to prohibit Jews from living in Jerusalem. At the Council of Nicaea, Sylvester he supported the passage of viciously anti-Semitic legislation.

1  The novelty of getting blind drunk will wear off. As an alternative, make a difference in somebody else’s life, hug your kids, telephone your parents, and listen to a friend. This will guarantee that you and they will have a happy 2014.