A cold and broken hallelujah

Our eyes are closed and covered while declaring Your Oneness.  But we still see.  We see the pools of blood in a teenager’s room.

You are hidden in this world.  Even more so today as we try not to feast on the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil; knowledge of the horror that struck Hallel Yaffa.  A sleeping sheep slaughtered.  But You are still One.  Right?

You are benevolent.  Merciful.  Full of kindness.  Only love.  Right?

We try to see all of these qualities through the mists of the Garden of Good and Evil.  We try to eat from the Tree of Life.  We try to believe You are the only true and good Judge.  We try to fathom the reasoning behind an angel with a sword being stationed to guard a Tree, instead of being stationed to guard Hallel.  We try, but fail.

You are benevolent.  Merciful.  Full of kindness.  Only love.  Right?

A list of Your infinite goodness.  But a longer list plays louder in my mind today.  Like a record stuck, the names keep going around in my head. In my heart.

Yonatan Palmer

Adele Biton

Miriam Monsonego

Hadas Fogel

Yoav Fogel

Elad Fogel

Shlomo Nativ

Daniel Viflic

Chaya Zissel Braun

Daniel Tregerman

Eyal Yifrach

Naftali Fraenkel

Gilad Shaar

Same song, different verse.  Like Hallel, children murdered for being Jews.

Rachel wept.  You told her not to anymore.  Why?  What mother does not weep over her murdered children?

Esther questioned what appeared to be Your forsaking.  We are tempted to do the same as we hope for peace but witness terror instead.

Have You indeed rejected Judah?  Has Your soul despised Zion?  Why have You smitten Your people and they have no cure?  They hope for peace but there is no good, and for a time of healing, but behold, there is terror.  You have surely misled Your people and Jerusalem, saying they will have peace, but the sword has reached their soul instead. It seems even Jeremiah tasted the fruit of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Like him, we are tasting the fruit today. Help us not swallow.

You said You would afflict the descendants of David, but You promised it would not be for all time.  Today feels like all time.  Today feels like a cold and broken hallelujah.

About the Author
Camie Davis is a non-Jewish writer and advocate for Israel.