A Man of Valor?

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I don’t want to grumble, but I think that men are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to Pesach and the associated preparations.

I mean, the house is already supposed to be clean, more or less.  Right?  So what’s the fuss?

In my opinion, it’s sort of like childbirth.  Men have a role to play.  Women have a role to play.

You don’t hear us complaining.  We just do our part, usually very quickly, and then stand back and wait patiently, for months on end.  We don’t even whine when the unpleasant noises our wives make in the mornings during pregnancy wake us up.  We just take it like men, turn over and go back to sleep as they make their way to the bathroom.  Some of us even attend LaMaze classes, learn to pant, and help instruct our wives on proper kegel technique.  Stand by with ice chips, when and as needed.

Do we get appropriate credit?  Nope.

And I am not even going to mention how inconvenient nursing is for us.

Which brings us back to Pesach.  As I understand the traditional division of labor, the woman of the house is responsible for making sure the house is spotless and free of chametz, the utensils are fit for Pesach food preparation, the counters are covered, the ovens are kashered, menus are prepared–sometimes for a houseful of guests as well as the extended family–and food purchased under the worst possible shopping circumstances imaginable, preparations for bedikat chametz are completed, meals are prepared and served, and the after-meal cleaning proceeds.  The man of the house walks around the house, diligently scooping up the ten pieces of bread at the appropriate time (by candlelight!), burns the chametz, opens the wine bottles, and sits at the head of the table, reclining to the left.  As men, we must remember that it’s the middle matzo that gets broken, and endeavor to make the break memorable.  Oh, yes; we also welcome Elijah.

Men have a role to play.  Women have a role to play.

Even if the distribution of labor is somewhat unbalanced, keep in mind that at other junctures in Jewish history, it was men who took the laboring oar.  For example, selling Joseph?  That was us.  The episode of the Golden Calf? That was us.  Korach?  Us.  The spies who delayed our arrival in the Promised Land for forty years?  Us.  The grumblers and complainers who made Moshe Rabbeinu’s life hell?  Us.  Us.  Us.

As for the women, there was Miriam providing water for 2,000,000 people, the daughters of Zelaphchad demanding their portion of the land of Israel, demonstrating that a new generation looking forward to the Promised Land had replaced the generation that looked backward to Egypt, and Tziporah, saving Moses’ life (before he separated from her).

Men have a role to play.  Women have a role to play.

And never forget.  If it were the other way around, and men bore the children, there would be nothing to discuss, because there would be no children at all.  And if men had the responsibilities for Pesach currently assumed by women . . . the punishment ordained in the Torah for violating the laws of Pesach is karet, which means being cut off, and is generally assumed to mean early death by natural or unnatural causes.  Need I go on?

In case you were wondering, all this is just my way of tendering a paltry apology and extending a totally inadequate thank you.  To my wonderful wife.  To all the women in my family.  To all the women I know.  To all the women I do not know.

Thank you.  Thank you a million times over.  Thank you.

We’ll do better next year.  In Jerusalem.