Now it came to pass in the days of Bibi, (this is Bibi who reigned from 2009 in his second sojourn as head of the kingdom) that there arose a new king sitting on the throne of Israel’s biggest ally, occupying a perch on the banks of the Potomac.
And the new king on the Potomac looked favorably at that small sliver of land at the eastern end of the Mediterranean and showered that land with many gifts.
Where once the king’s appointed representative there sat in spacious accommodations overlooking the Tichon Sea, Bibi petitioned the king and asked that the location be changed to where the kingdom had its palaces high in the hills overlooking the Plains of Moab. And the king deliberated as he watched the flow of the Potomac and agreed that it was a good thing for freed men representing the kingdom to be headquartered in the holy city overlooking the Plains of Moab, and it was done.
Bibi, worried about the cost of such a favor, asked the king what price would have to be paid for this favor, and the king responded with but one word….”later.” And Netanyahu said “OK.”
Now therefore Bibi wondered, could he ask for more? He remembered that the previous king of the Potomac, one with the Hebrew name Barack, entered into a strange treaty with an arch enemy of Israel, a dinosaur of a regional enemy with headquarters in Tehranasaurus, just a few hours flight by bomber from Israel. Perhaps the new king could be convinced to withdraw from that agreement?
Now the king knew his history (well it was the only chapter in the history book that he actually read given his penchant for endlessly watching the Sly [as a fox] News channel). And he knew that Bibi never liked the deal and even spoke in the Congress on the shores of the Potomac to denounce the agreement as it was being discussed. The king also promised that he would withdraw from the treaty if elected and so he kept his promise and made Bibi happy. Bibi again worried about the cost of such a favor, asked the king what price would have to be paid for this favor, and the king responded with but one word….”later.” And Netanyahu said “OK.”
Later, from the land of Kush, the king’s Jewish son in law came before the king of the Potomac and suggested that perhaps all aid to the Arab inhabitants of the kingdom over which Bibi ruled should be discontinued. More than that, the workers at Foggy Bottom who advised the king should stop referring to the land captured in 1967 as “occupied territories.” The king liked this young lad from the land of Kush, just to the west of Manhattan, and said, “OK, let’s do it.” And Bibi was very happy yet again.
Once again Bibi asked the king what price would have to be paid for this favor, and the king responded with but one word….”later.” And Netanyahu said “OK.”
But these favors were not met with glee by all of the subjects in Bibi’s kingdom. The Arabs, who had also been living in the kingdom for almost as long as the Jews, thought that the king of the Potomac had slighted them. So their anger at the king of the Potomac waxed hot but was contained until recently.
Earlier this moth a thespian in the kingdom opined one day that the kingdom was a land for all of its citizens, Jews and Arabs alike. But Bibi did not agree and, following the practice of his ally on the Potomac, he tweeted that this is not correct. Rather that now that the kingdom has a nation state law, the kingdom is the land of the Jews and only the Jews, although everyone has equal rights in this democracy.
But the Arabs were not placated and acts of terrorism began to increase, drive by shootings picked up in frequency, and civil unrest began to mount.
Bibi remained worried about the cost of all of these favors showered upon the kingdom by the man perched on the shores of the Potomac. But he was comforted this week as an aptly named pompous representative of the country on the Potomac visited the kingdom and, in a first for people at that level in that government, visited the western retaining wall of the Temple in Jerusalem. And Bibi said to himself, perhaps, just perhaps, this is all free.
And then, economic guru that he is, Bibi remembered the words of another freed man who hailed from a place called Milton who said “there is no such thing as a free lunch.” And Bibi said, ok, and waits for the other shoe to drop.