A Peek into The Super-Conscious

In this week’s Torah portion, we learn about the high priest entering the Holy of Holies on the holiest day of the year, Yom Kippur, to secure forgiveness for the nation. How could one person’s entry into a sacred chamber atone for everyone’s sins?

To answer this question, we must explore the secret of the Holy of Holies. What was it like inside? How did it feel to enter? What impact did entering have on the high priest, and how did it affect others?

In the Womb
There was a rabbi in the eighteenth century who lived with his in-laws after his marriage. He was relatively unknown then, and his mother-in-law was not impressed with his unusual ways. She pressured him to conform to the family’s norms, and when he refused, she made his life difficult until he and his wife moved out.

Years later, when he was a renowned rabbi, she invited him back, but he turned her down. He explained that every fetus is comfortable in its mother’s womb. So comfy that it cries and resists when it is time to leave. However, once outside, it never crawls back.

Why don’t fetuses crawl back in? Well, for starters, they aren’t welcome back. The cervix closes, and they are locked out. Also, they don’t fit. We quickly outgrow the confines of the womb. But those are technical reasons. The main reason is that once we gain independence, we never want to give it up, become part of someone else. We never again want to place ourselves under the shadow of another. The rabbi was saying that he enjoyed his independence and didn’t want to return to be under her thumb.

A fetus is a part of its mother; it doesn’t have its own existence. Our entire weltanschauung pushes back against this specter. We crave our space and do everything we can to carve it out. We need a place to call our own. We want to look out on the world from our unique perspective. We are driven to be ourselves and not be swallowed up by others. When we carve out our own space, develop our own reputation, and establish our own independence, we feel like we have arrived. We have everything that we can ever need.

But there is another perspective. This is one in which G-d is infinite and omnipresent; He fills all space. There is no space left for anyone else since G-d fills it all. We are like a fetus in a womb; part of G-d’s infinite space. We are under G-d’s endless shadow. We can and will never crawl out.

The only way we can experience life as an independent is by denying or being oblivious to G-d. If we pretend that G-d is not already in the space we occupy, we can pretend it is our space. If we pretend that G-d is not in control, we can pretend we are the architects of our success. When we do that, we carve out a tiny needlepoint of space compared to the infinity that is G-d. We can be part of this infinity, but choose, instead, to carve out a little space we can pretend is our own.

Otherness
Inside this little bubble that we create for ourselves, we can pretend that we are separate from everything else. There is me and there are others. The pie has only so many pieces, and I must get the largest slice possible. It is the law of the jungle. If I don’t grab it, someone else will. I must provide for myself because no one else will. It is me against them.

From this perspective, we are moved to lie, cheat, and steal. We are driven to pursue pleasurable experiences, even if they are immoral or displeasing to G-d. After all, this is my space, and I own it. I only need to worry about myself. Everything else is secondary. Everyone else is superfluous.

This is the perspective that leads to sinfulness. My pleasures, interests, and needs are pitted against everyone else’s, including G-d. When I see the world through this lens, I am driven to do whatever it takes to get ahead.

Holy of Holies
Imagine the high priest on Yom Kippur entering the Holy of Holies. This is a still, quiet space that is home to G-d. In this sacred chamber, there is no otherness. Here, one senses the infinity of G-d and loses oneself within it. Here, one surrenders to a higher state of existence, one we know of but can never explore because it is beyond us. Here, one peeks into the soul’s super consciousness.

As the high priest steps in, the layers of outer consciousness peel away, and he enters an integrated world. A world in which there are no parts, there is only one whole. No one is apart from G-d; everyone is a part of G-d. A world in which there is no otherness; the rat race of me against others disappears because we are all part of the same infinity, slivers of the one G-d.

This is not a world one can experience because one can only experience from within oneself. In this world, we lose the very self to the magnetic pull of profound oneness. The attraction of Divinity is relentless, and we surrender to it. There is no self that experiences. There just is. One becomes part of the vast formlessness, utter ecstasy, and exquisitely mysterious state of Divinity. It is a magnificent emptiness that fills and overflows at once. We are like fish in the sea. We flow through the ocean, and the ocean flows through us. We dive deeper and deeper, away from the light, into the darkness, into the depths of the aquatic vastness until we become part of the sea, and the sea becomes part of us—inextricable oneness.

The Purposeful Return
Can you imagine stepping out of this delightful state where the ego is suspended, and we are part of the oneness? Can you imagine leaving it behind to reenter a state where dependence is painful? The high priest is undoubtedly loath to leave, but he has no choice. He did not enter to stay. He entered to bring it out with him and share it with others.

He left the Holy of Holies to return to the people. The people whose life experience occupies the whole of a needlepoint that they guard jealously against all incursions. The needlepoint that drives them to lie, cheat, and steal. The needlepoint that leads them to lust, greed, envy, arrogance, conceit, and anger. The needlepoint that leads them to temptation and to sin.

Imagine the clash of Weltanschauungs when the high priest rejoined the people. But then imagine being one of those people who gets to gaze into the eyes of the priest who experienced that otherworldly bliss. Imagine knowing this man stepped out of a state of oneness to share it with you. Imagine staring into eyes that just peered at G-d. Imagine feeling two steps removed from G-d.

Then imagine the high priest informing you that what He saw is not confined to the Holy of Holies. It is everywhere. It is even in your needlepoint, though you deny it because you can’t see it. Once the high priest saw it, he could never forget it. It cannot be unseen. As he strides through the corridors of the holy Temple, he streams his aura wherever he looks. Everyone senses and feels that here walks a person who can see what I have always denied. That G-d is everywhere, and I am part of Him, too.

The very thought is enough to make you tremble. Enough to make one ashamed of jealously guarding one’s independence and space. It is enough to make one profoundly remorseful over any sins or betrayals. It is enough to fill you with a longing for such oneness. And this is the moment everyone has been waiting for. The reason the high priest entered the Holy of Holies in the first place.

It was for you to experience that moment of remorse, of oneness with G-d, and with it, your atonement. Now you can venture into the new year with a new perspective and newfound depth. One that will hopefully stay with you for the rest of your life, as it will, no doubt, remain with the high priest.