A Shidduch Lesson from the Torah (Parshas Re’ei)

(Excerpted from EndTheMadness Guide to the Shidduch World, Page 184, Kodesh Press, available on Amazon)

The Torah commands us to be generous with poor people and supply them with all their needs (Devarim 15:8, Rashi). The pasuk reads, “For you shall surely open your hand to him, and repeatedly lend him for all that he is lacking, all that is lacking to him.” The Gemara makes inferences from the numerous redundancies in the pasuk, none of which is more striking than the last few words. We learn from “all that is lacking” that one should even provide a poor man a horse to ride on and a slave to run before him if that is what he was accustomed to, which demonstrates the great sensitivity we must have for one’s emotional suffering, not merely his financial difficulties. We learn from “to him” that we must also help him find a wife.

What compels Chazal to attribute the latter drasha specifically to the redundant words “to him” as opposed to the words “all that is lacking”? It is the recognition that the search for a spouse is the most personal of searches, and must be tailored to the unique needs of the individual. Any horse or slave will do, but the provision of a wife cannot be haphazard. It must be specifically “to him.” Chazal support this drasha by citing identical language when Hashem provided a wife for Adam; Hashem created a wife specifically “for him.”

We have clear proof from the Torah that it is a responsibility of those who are able, to help others find shidduchim. Further, the search must be conducted with great sensitivity and concern for each individual.

About the Author
Rabbi Chananya Weissman is the founder of EndTheMadness and the author of seven books, including “Go Up Like a Wall” and “How to Not Get Married: Break these rules and you have a chance”. Many of his writings are available at www.chananyaweissman.com. He is also the director and producer of a documentary on the shidduch world, Single Jewish Male, and The Shidduch Chronicles, available on YouTube. He can be contacted at admin@endthemadness.org.
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