Aliyah Manifesto: Jerusalem tour- Municipality area

Municipality Area: Running along Jaffa St.

You will notice many sketchy buildings. Sketchy people live in those sketchy buildings.

The Davidka square- Located a couple blocks down from the shuk, near the center of town, the statue of the davidka works just as well as its original. The rocket launcher which launches nothing, is the most proud weapon of Israel. This non-launching rocket with its loud noise, helped Israel in the War of Independence and made the Arabs up north feel real stupid. Made to scare people, the same technique is used by the shuk vendors.

Across the street, you will notice the Bniyan Clal. A modern building in 1972, this mall was built in protest to the attraction of people to shopping indoors. It is either me, or the stone floor which cannot and has not been swept since 1972. Built as unattractive as possible, the facade of an unpaved road gives the mall a rustic atmosphere, making you think you might get a deal. Located right near the shuk, this building keeps people shopping outside.

Bikur Cholim Hospital- A Jewish hospital in the downtown area of Jerusalem. What makes it Jewish? Many of the doctors are Jewish. There are also Hebrew letters. Bikkur Cholim, meaning ‘visiting the sick,’ is a beautiful name for a hospital. Named after the command to visit the sick, many of the local religious people use this hospital to get reward in the world to come and disrupt patients who are trying to get sleep.

Located between the train (Jaffa St.) and Meah Shearim, unlike Haddassah Ein Karem, this hospital is a Jerusalem hospital built within driving distance to Jerusalem. It has been taken over by Shaare Zedek, another hospital in Jerusalem. As a branch of Shaare Zedek, they will make sure that all rooms do not have televisions or anything to keep the patient’s mind off of their illness.

First located in the Old City, it moved from the Old City to its modern location in 1907 and still keeps the tradition of discomfort and lack of architectural stability. As each building looks different, and each building is located within another building on another side of the street, once you get there, you must ask every person you see where the Bikur Cholim Hospital is. It is somewhere inside the Bikur Cholim Hospital. It is hard to find the hospital when you are at the hospital. To get to the main building, you must know how to enter through the falafel and cloth store, located within and outside of it. The labyrinth hosts 200 beds, which cannot be found. This makes it harder to find the sick people and impossible to do Bukur Cholim.

If you are going to find any of the buildings, located on either side of Strauss or HaNeviim St., then you are going to have to ask. Strauss being King George St, which is Keren HaYesod, which is Emeq Refaim, which is Yochanan Ben Zakai, which is Yechezkel St., which is something else. I am sorry I forgot the other names for that street. If you want to find your way to Bikur Cholim, you must remember all of the names. If you do not remember all of the names, the cab ride will cost more.

With one third of the doctors being Israeli Arabs, and the other two-thirds being Jewish Israeli or French, this is a great hospital if you get injured and need a doctor that does not speak English. They also have a Terem unit for emergency medicine, which treats people with coughs.

Running down Jaffa St., we are going to pass Ben Yehuda and the drunk elementary school children at Crack Square.

Misrad Hapnim- Located right off of Jaffa Street, is another office in the country where there is still no line or number system. There is are numbers at the counter, but you have to get to the counter. And that is where you wait. When you get in, the way to know which spot is yours is to move in sideways and knock into some people. I was recently there and I was second on line for three hours. As the Ministry of Interior, it is up to this office whether you are a citizen or not. The traditional lack of lines and not giving atmosphere is what they use to tell whether one is from the Middle East or not. It is their way of racially profiling the polite people, who are definitely not real citizens. That is why the polite people wait so long, sometimes for days. Sometimes for years. Only once they learn how to fight through a crowd, can they be admitted as citizens, or granted the right to vacation. As is known, if somebody is given a passport before they know how to fight through a line and represent Israel correctly abroad, they will never return.

You can see a line forming outside the building, right now. You can see a lot of people who want to get in. They assumed that the hours were going to be the same as yesterday. Why are people waiting there at night? It is always a surprise when they open, and they do not know if it will open now.

Bus Stop- That is a crowd, not a line.

Doar- A storage facility for mail you never received. This is where your package must be. It might be at another Post Office. Probably in Givat Shaul, on a block with no parking. Known as the post office, where I do not receive my mail from. My mail comes to Will go out of business in 3 years, unless they work normal hours and sell more stationary.

Plaque over there. The Schwartz’s must have given money.

The Jerusalem Municipality- The institution built to stop businesses from thriving in Jerusalem. Taking 4 times the amount of land taxes from businesses, the municipality works with the Knesset to make sure that all businesses are run successfully through them.

Located at what is known as Kikar Safra, the city will not close down this business. There are people there and I think they are working.
The municipality has instituted many of its own programs, such as midnight runs, to make sure that there is constant traffic in the city.

The Russian Compound is located behind the municipality, to the side of it. You can see the Russian Church built a long time ago. It is a church.


The British jail, which housed many of the members of the underground movement’s leaders, is now a museum of the underground prisoners. This a great place to spend a day, if you would like another reason to hate Britain.

Built to remind us why Jews were being killed under the British Mandate, which did not allow Jews to enter Palestine, in support of genocide and discomfort for Jews everywhere, along with the rest of the world, you can see where the underground fighters were imprisoned and killed and where the martyrs exploded. This is not political or a run-on sentence. This is a tourist guide of Jerusalem. So please do not make this political. Rabbi Aryeh Levin, The Tzaddik of Jerusalem was their spiritual leader, showing up to the prison, every Shabbat. I read the book. The Rabbinic smuggler will forever be remembered as a Tzaddik for not following the British laws.

You can now find the main Jerusalem police station, located right near the Jerusalem municipality, as together they work to stop businesses from being successful, and capitalism from taking a foothold in the city. The police station is the main creator of laws in Jerusalem. To see legislature at work, you can enter the station and see two policemen deciding whether it is legal to beat citizens. You can also see the process of law creation, as they beat protesters.

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
Related Topics
Related Posts