Aliyah manifesto: Jerusalem tour- Tachana Merkazit

Center of Town
Central Bus Station- Tachana Merkazit Area

Running along Jaffa Road, you will find the Jerusalem government buildings, the modern to the ancient stores and random people looking for buses. The Jaffa Road leads out of Jerusalem, as it is the dream of every Jerusalemite to live in Tel Aviv, if they were able to justify it to their family.

The Central Bus Station, also known as the Tachana Merkazit, located by the entrance to the city. The beautiful new building with a clock to always show 7pm, is a modern mall with ancient stores, which also sell falafel. For those who would like lingerie on their way to Petach Tikveh, the Tachana Merkazit is a great place to miss your bus.

When using the Tachana Metkazit, make sure to show up a half hour before departure, as there is security. If it is a Friday departure, be sure to show up the day before.

You can see people missing their bus here. You will notice the extra security setup, to ensure that people miss their bus. The security is placed right at the front of the building, where the line forms, so that everybody can see when your bag fully gets checked. Dangerous objects like tighty whities will be pulled out of your bag and shown to everybody. Placed far away from the security check, the x-ray machine and rapid person movement allow for easy access to other peoples’ bags. As it is important to learn the skill of picking up other peoples’ stuff, for better supermarket deals, learn to quickly grab bags and leave.

You will notice no smoking signs all around the Tachana Merkazit, which are meant to be disregarded.

I hope you are enjoying David’s Tour of Jerusalem thus far. It is only a 15 hour tour, so brace yourselves for the fun. It feels like a 10 hour walking tour, so don’t think it moves slow. Now we are moving from the Tachana Merkazit.

The Bridge, which has that Spiderman looking thing, was a monument built during Ahud Olmert’s term to represent something that does not fit into Jerusalem at all. The string bridge is mentioned twice throughout the tour (here and by the Har Nof to Bayit Vagan area), as its location is just as vague to me as its purpose.

The bridge holds the turn of the Jerusalem Light Rail. The Jerusalem Tram-train was built to ensure that there would be traffic throughout the Jaffa Street area, and no moving traffic throughout the city. Now there is a train running through it, to guarantee that travel will take longer. Too many people were saying that travel is easy, and the municipality showed them wrong.

The Binyaneh Haumah, also known as The Convention Center movie theater gym, is right across from the Central Bus Station area. In 1949 they dug the foundation and discovered 2nd century relics, like the Holiday Inn Hotel; which you will notice, right behind the Binyaneh Haumah. If you look a little further, behind the building, you can still see ancient hotels, such as the Ramada Inn.

As we move down Jaffa Street, towards the Old City, you will notice all of these broken down buildings, as since they are on Jaffa Street, there is no reason to fix them.

About the Author
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties. Contact: 972(50)875-5688 David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land. Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David. David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage.
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