Audrey Biloon

All heart

People have asked me about my profile photo. Well, full disclosure, people refers to only one person. But since that reader was curious, and given the coronavirus quarantine situation, I thought (which my husband says gets me into trouble, but I think I won’t listen to that), there might be curiosity from the rest of the world’s population about other kinds of hidings for public safety. To that end, I want to tell you how I’m doing my part.

My profile photo is the headshot part of a great disguise. The rest of it is a body suit of a 4’9” fluffy grandmother.

Inside of the whole disguise is a 5’9”, very thin (but voluptuous), gorgeous long-haired blonde, dazzling, blue-eyed, stunning, beauty.

Because of rain, showering and general age of the disguise, ironing might be an option to get out the resulting creases and wrinkles. But, what with having to remember and adhere to all of the rules of the pandemic, who has the time?

All heart in trying to be thoughtful about safety, I stay in this grandmotherly get up, even when I sleep, so that women don’t scream and rend their own bodies with insane jealousy and men don’t get hurt, hurling themselves at my feet. Also, if anyone were injured, they’d blame it on the Jews, so why take that chance…..

Warning: women shouldn’t try this kind of thing, at home, alone….Please, appreciate the use of commas, herein….not to mention (but I will) the use of the word, herein, to impress those who are easily impressed by the varying levels of fair jurisprudence in the world….

All of the foregoing having been said (more legal jargon, in case some were not impressed by the word herein, used in the preceding paragraph, therein), continuing with commas, as I did in a previous blog and will, most likely, do again, if women (or men, for that matter) do try any disguises, my grandmotherly advice is that they start, very slowly, at first, with a mask.

About the Author
Having been a teacher, social worker, radio show host(ess), newspaper columnist and lawyer, Audrey, now retired, writes, teaches improv, performs stand up comedy, and continues to practice turning stress into gratitude……which is sort of like practicing law: the practice won’t always result in perfection.
Related Topics
Related Posts