And the whole time I’ve insisted Hamas is the enemy… Waking up from my blissful delusion, thanks to Freud

Complete disgrace.

Wait, disgrace is just an understatement. How many times do I have to repeat words such as outrage, disgrace, abomination, Anti-Semitism, Anti-Zionism, Hamas, Middle-East conflict, Jihad, Swastika?! ENOUGH!!

Enough already- I’ve had it. Am I the only one feeling this way? Surely not. G-d tell me it isn’t so.. Tell me that those around me are not as ignorant as I fear.

G-d, tell me that we are not about to witness a second Holocaust. G-d, tell me this war will stop.Oh G-d, please assure me that Hamas will be eliminated, and that the world will finally stop condemning the Israeli Defense force in ensuring such protection of innocent Israeli civilians!

G-d, I know that you do not want any innocent civilians to be ruthlessly murdered.. Right?! Please tell me I am right.. or else.. I have no other choice but to settle with the fact that there is no hope… no future – no way to end the mass murders in Syria, kidnappings and murders in the Central African Republic (Kony 2012 – remember that – whatever happened to that intitative I wonder..- nothing-  that’s what!) ,Nigeria – Boko Haram, of ISIS – innocent Christian deaths and defilement, innocent Tibetans, innocent Gazans, placed in the forefront of the battlefield (their homes, hospitals and UN schools, of all places – where there ammunition, their piles of rockets are stored, under which terror tunnels are constantly constructed)– shoved before IDF explosions and defense — against their will, even if brain-washed by the Jihadist regime.. just like NAZI Germany.. the innocent Germans – clueless of Hitler – the self hating Jew’s Totalitarian bullsh*t —- against the IDF’s will, against Your will.. I should surely hope..

[See: http://invisiblechildren.com/kony-2012/; http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/two-years-after-kony-2012-has-invisible-children-grown-up ];[Course in The introduction to the welfare state, Prof. Asher ben Arieh, Hebrew University of Jerusalem]

G-d, I cannot continue engaging in ceaseless attempts to educate the public, when no one wants to hear me..They would rather stay passive than go out and face this hostile world for what it is. Well then, tell me,  – If I am the only one feeling this way, will I be the only one to survive this imminent threat- this stifling Anti-Semitic explosion raging under the name of “Anti-Zionism”?

G-d, who will protect us, once the IDF has been defeated by the masses of Jihadists abound in the world? G-d, please tell me there will be some salvation, some hope in this never ending battle for Independence, for Existence – forget the independence… G-d- All I want is to live…           [@Eitan Chiyatat – “I will not apologize for surviving” – Follow this legendary writer at https://www.facebook.com/eitanchitayat; brilliant article – although coming across as controversial – depicts everything so accurately – https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/shalom-motherfr/]

G-d, do you hear me up there? Does anyone hear me, down below?! Am I the only one, or am I hearing my own voices? Like Virginia Wolf, like Joan of Arc, like the son of Albert Einstein , epitome of Scientific breakthroughs- the Jewish way; proud Zionistic supporter and guest lecturer at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, many years back…, like the son of Dr. James Watson- ironically one of the pioneers and founders of DNA research?It really seems that no one is immune to such disorders, in our genes, in our chemical make up, in our psyche- with all the scientific research of this modern day… At least today, we can recognize that there is such a thing as Psychological disorders…[Course in Social Science, Yeshiva College Junior High school of Johannesburg, Mr. Kantor; Biology course at Yeshiva College High School of Joahannesburg, Taryn Kagan; English Course at the Yeshiva College High School of Johannesburg, Teri Tenant; Course in Introduction to Social Work,The Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Dr. Lauren Wolfsfeld]

—-Or, are those voices being framed upon me.. just like these feminists and strong leaders were in their times..- when everyone refused to believe in the truth, in justice, in the fight for feminism.. such delusions, such unacceptable views. Oh no, they could never be rational. Those threats to our status-quo, our social order,our comfort are clearly insane, they deserve to be shunned by the stigmatic taunts and sneers of the “well, sane and intellectual”, of the conformists.. [Course in Social Psychology, Daniella Shidlovski, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem ]; [Further, see:http://schizophrenia.com/famous.htm#].

—-Oh no, those women cannot even be afforded “A room of one’s own”.. never mind a vote, a say, a voice, a salary, an aspiration, a chance at success.. Joan could never have actually led the French army to victory.. that is far too threatening to male dominance, to male superiority..no she should be burned at the stake as the Moral approach orders, for she is a sinner, a heretic of Christian law, and thus deserves punishment for her insanity! [Course in Introduction to Social Work, Dr. Lauren Wolfsfeld, The Hebrew university of Jerusalem; Course in the Fundamentals of law and Human rights, Yuval Elbashan, Community lawyer, Hebrew University of Jerusalem]..—- and our great feminist leader Virginia, should go and drown her sorrows of this horrible world in the river…after all..[http://books.google.co.il/books/about/Selected_Essays.html?id=bmJYhb_ustgC&redir_esc=y; https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/w/woolf/virginia/;http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/l/lee-woolf.html;http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginia_Woolf]

Majority wins, doesn’t it? Always!.. after all who would believe in such ludicrousness? Sound familiar?.. it’s only repeated all the time.. again and again – Apartheid, genocide, Gay and lesbian rights, Sharia Law -Taliban rule and oppression of women, Family Honor killings of women in certain Arab sects (Hassan,2002) , Ethnic conflicts in Israel – between Ashkenazi, European and North African, Middle Eastern Mizrachi-Jewry (Khazzoom, 2003),  and even refugees in Israel.. I won’t lie..- (Rosenhek, 2000) —-[Course in Fundamentals of Sociology, Zohar Gazit, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem]

G-d, don’t get me wrong!! I am not in any way comparing myself to them- G-d I do not intend to be so arrogant, so haughty! G-d I still believe in your values, in your Torah, in the need for “tzniut”, modesty and humility. At least, I think I do.. For if I am in fact hearing voices, does this mean that I cannot even be safe to trust my own rationality..For,that– we know is the worst blow to all!      [See: Armstrong – “The Nature of Mind”; see: Lewis “Mad pain, martian pain” ; see Dancy: “An introduction to Contemporary Epistemology; see:http://www.bartleby.com/37/2/ – “the 3 dialogues”..; see Prof. David Enoch –  ‘Why I am an objectivist;, see Putnam “Brains in a Vat”; see Nagel -“The Absurd”; and Russel -“What I have lived for – among countless other brilliant, philosophers, including Descartes and so on… —– Course in the Central problems of Philosophy, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, Professor David Enoch – faculty of Law.]

[Course in the Degenerating brain, From research to Hope – Prof. Hermona Sorek, the Hebrew university of Jerusalem — taught by those professors and leading Israeli and foreign doctors actively trying to find cures for illnesses such as Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s and all other neuro-degenerative diseases, showing what happens exactly when the brain begins to degenerate – when the neurons die, leaving the sufferer confused, and truly delusional, and what treatments are being created and tested. (Additionally search: Neuroscience; Blood Brain Communication and the Neurovascular Unit in Brain Diseases; Huntington, Parkinson, Alzheimer; Mandel- Macular Degeneration and other blinding diseases)]

G-d- show me the light in this dismal gloom.. show me the way. Please direct me before I am blindly led into the arms of terrorists. G-d please give me the insight to prevent this.. Please, G-d! G-d show me, show me somehow, G-d please show me that I am not the only one bracing this struggle!

G-d – how can I rely solely upon Divine providence in  intervening, when my fellow Jews won’t join me in fighting against this terrorism, this injustice, this hatred, this inhumanity?

Am I really alone, after all? Tell me it isn’t so!!!! Who else can I turn to when the world’s giant concrete fortress is besieging us Israelis and Jewish communities worldwide?.. Closing in each and every day, bit by bit,sneakily but oh so surely into our schools, our Universities, our streets, our parks, and our homes, our cellphones, our tv’s, our computers, our conscience.

G-d, you of all know that when everyone and everything is taken from you, all you have left is your own soul. G-d, you saw it Yourself not so long ago, 70 years or so back, in the ‘animal-train’ carts, upon the lengthy train tracks of Europe in the Holocaust.. when Jews were not even granted air – a supposed “free product”, out of all Economic extravagances- the only one to exist.. although partially. For instance, in some places in the world, like China, consumerism is valued more than citizen health (Source: Time).. So in fact, maybe air is not really a free product.. it can technically be taken away from you; ‘unintentionally’ killing you, but that does not at all justify a “Negligent Killing”, nor a “Calpable Homocide”, nor a “National killing” or “Ethnic massacre” – Nope none of those, among other legal injustices, NO-  stripping citizens of air seems to go unnoticed, unpunished.. [Course in Welfare Economics, Dr. Daniel Gotlieb, The Hebrew university of Jerusalem; Course in Fundamentals of Law and Human rights, Yuval Elbashan] .

Oh Yes, air, we Jews were not allowed.

Maybe, the gas chambers were justified after all?.. Well that can definitely explain the things we are witnessing today – global support of Hamas terrorism and terror tunnels, polluting the Israeli skies with so many rockets that we cannot even leave our homes.. and then trials to infiltrate our homes through those tunnels, requiring residents to stay put.. in their bomb shelters for hours at time until the risk is terminated ..Either way, we’re doomed. You see, I am not observing such a substantial change in morality in the 21st Century.. Nope, it seems identical, maybe even worse than the 20th Century.. and all of the centuries preceding this Modern Age.. this Scientific, post- Modern age.. you would think we would have learned something by now, right?!  [Course in Introduction to Social Work, Dr. Lauren Wolfsfeld, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem]

“What did you just say? A JEW..A filthy JEW being permitted to BREATHE? Ha, you are delusional.. We like to squeeze the Jews, those rodents, of every inhalation of Oxygen. Oh yes, we replace that Oxygen with Gas. And we pave the paths of Bergen Belson with concrete so that their oozing blood and bodily secretions will never leak out onto the face of the Earth…it’s a waste to clean up, much more efficient to also extend the train tracks all the way into Bergen Belson.

Yes, BRILLIANT!! Instead of displaying gates reassuring the Auschwitz Concentration camps new ‘visitors’ of a bit of humanity — where at least there, the Jews were granted a sliver of hope at its entrance -“Labor will set you free” -“Arbeit Macht Frei” – words of comfort, carved onto the Metal gates, the gates that stand as a brutal memory of the past.. of the suffering, of the horrific loss and blow to Jewry worldwide…

Yes, that freedom – that right to breathe, and only to breathe- not eat, nor drink, only inhalation and exhalation. I’m afraid that lasted only a little while.. until the Jews naively followed the Nazi officers, tricked into thinking that they were about to take a shower – A SHOWER, strip themselves of their clothing, of anything external to their bodies.. including tooth fillings!— “After seemingly endless days of travelling on that air-compressed, claustrophobic train, where many died from sheer shock, from standing for hours, days on end.. from starvation. A SHOWER- what a luxury.. Maybe, just maybe “this work, this toil does result in freedom”. ” Oh what a freedom.. in fact, I believe, despite the probably tons of objections to my opinion —that they were in fact granted the greatest freedom of the whole Holocaust debacle.. the freedom to disintegrate… from this torturous world, from the beatings of the Nazis, from the scorn of mankind, from the starvation in the ghettos, the exhaustion of the work camps. Yes, despite what you may think, Auschwitz was the best Concentration camp to exist!

“Yes, oh yes, in Bergen Belson, we shall make sure that the Jews will be dehumanized the proper way…- they will never even remember that they ever possessed a human identity…”- Nazi Germany (as depicted by me)[See: http://www.historylearningsite.co.uk/bergen_belsen.htm][see: https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/im-with-yellow-star/ – @EitanChitiyat] [Course in the Fundamentals of Law and Human Rights, Yuval Elbashan, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem]

“Oh yes, don’t you know?! WHAT? Nobody informed you?!.. What nonsense is that? — Where do you live – in Antarctica..?! On second thought, that is the only place that Jews should be allowed to live..Oh yes, in that way, the job will be done for us.. no added expenses.. no mass burials.. who even goes to Antarctica? Oh yes, the new and improved Master plan, under the name of “End Israeli Occupation”, “Boycott Israel”, “Stop the IDF”, “Prosecute South African IDF volunteers”, “Set Israeli flags alight”, “Kill the Jew, when he least expects it, on his way to synagogue (Miami)”, “violently protest the Palestinian Apartheid by harassing the police and passersby (Toulouse, France), “2 states for 2 nations” (Habonim Dror, 242 campaign https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xiecd3-cRo ), “Cease-fire between Hamas and Israel”, ” Innocent deaths of Gazans.. Israel’s fault for starting this war.. this blood bath.. Israel’s fault for blowing up terror tunnels.. even if they may not be so indistinguishable from Gas chambers…

“Yes!!! HA!! The same intention, an abrupt suicide attempt.. YES! Easy does it..that finishes the job.. without the expenses of gas, and train tracks… HELL, WE get funding from the U.S., we get aid from Israel and Turkey and we get world recognition and praise – the full package. [http://cqrcengage.com/act/app/sign-petition?0&engagementId=53235&lp=0 – against US aid to Hamas!!! SIGN PETITION!!!]

Of course we do!!!!

We are the best Terrorists to have lived.. we have finally seeped our way into Tel Aviv, without stepping foot into her. We have managed to pop out of the ground into Kibbutz Sufa and Nir Ha-Am, not succeeding what we planned so carefully, but still managing to kill just a few Israeli soldiers!!!!– Applause UN and U.S.!!!!! Aren’t you thrilled that we succeeded in finally taking away Israeli militant lives?  The ones that are mercilessly killing us.. ‘Oooh Help! They’re killing us, and we have no means of stopping them’!! [ http://www.jpost.com/Operation-Protective-Edge/Hamas-terrorists-caught-killed-attempting-to-infiltrate-Kibbutz-Nir-Am-through-tunnel-364148]

Damn, our plans were crushed by our foolish brothers, kidnapping those 3 stupid boys, when they could have just waited until the holy Jewish holiday, only a few weeks from now, the Jewish New Year, when everything would have been ready.. to wipe out Israel when least expected – to emerge in unison from all the +- 60 tunnels and work our way up.. Who knows, maybe Hizballah, our enemies up north would have aided us?… Since we all know that ultimately the Jews are the number 1 threat and origin of all disgrace and evil in this world.. Those Jews who make their bread with our children’s blood.. ever since the times of the Crusades.. they never change..[ see: http://www.janglo.net/index.php?option=com_adsmanager&page=display&catid=99&tid=323491&utm_source=MadMimi&utm_medium=email&utm_content=Janglo+Weekly+209%3A+A+bright+future+from+dark+times&utm_campaign=20140728_m121505105_Janglo+Weekly+209%3A+A+bright+future+from+dark+times&utm_term=Whoa_+Did+G-d+really+answer+our+prayers+for+the+three+boys_3F]

Those stupid Jews, those imbeciles, don’t they know that this time, they are the ones to pave their own ways to the gas chambers.. to the terrorist tunnels?! Ha, we can just sit back for all they know, send rockets like paper planes.. while the world does all the work for us.. Oh yes, the JEWS of the world, they are so ignorant that they don’t even know how much they are encouraging us… Forget the Humanitarian Aid, we want as many Gazans to die as possible.. we want to take over their houses and use them for creating more tunnels, much more efficient that way… In that way, maybe we will finally succeed in massacring the Jews, and become ‘Shahids’ – holy sons to Allah, for acting according to the principles of Jihad, as stated in the Koran..[See:http://www.israelvideonetwork.com/dont-stop-sharing-this-until-every-mother-has-seen-it]

…Those damn IDF soldiers, they do know how to bomb, and destroy – why are they so damn good at what they do.. Why have we not managed to terminate hardly any civilians… They may be top in the Science field, in setting up the iron Dome Rocket interceptor.. but oh boy, do they lack common sense!! They support Israeli Defense, as written in their very name…yet, they are so oblivious to the fact that their biggest enemy does not reside in Gaza, not Iran, oh no, not France, not South Africa, not Berlin..” -Hamas (as depicted by me)

What?!! WAIT… I’m so confused..

For all this time, I’ve been fighting against terrorism, when I know at heart that it will never cease to exist… We are far too outnumbered, surrounded by  ISIS,Al Qaeda, Boko Haram, Hizballah, Iranian nuclear threats… among others – no one stands a chance, not even the US.. but not to worry, we will always get the first blow.. so the US can breathe a bit, while we lose our last breaths…

Why the hell don’t I ever manage to succeed in winning the world’s favor, or even win the Jews’ recognition in my constant attempts to inform them of facts, and thereby empower them, empower US – our nation in the face of these horrendous enemies? Why do I get more likes on Facebook for a joke about Selena Gomez (Joan Rivers) and her stupidity, than I get for a plea, to all Jewry, begging them to Wake Up and smell the ‘roses’ or face another Holocaust?!.[See : https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/appeal-to-all-jewry-wake-up-2/]

Little did I know, that after all that effort —  I would be the one waking up.. Oh yes, I am waking up from a deep slumber, a zombie-like sleepwalk — to the realization that it was nothing but a blissful retreat of my unconscious. Oh Freud, you never knew how right you were when you claimed that “Life is not easy”, and that all we humans, similar to Hobbs’ philosophy, are nothing but mere miserable beings in this hostile world of aggressive and sexual impulses – over which we have little control.[See: http://www.psychologistworld.com/psychologists/freud_1.php]

For so long, I have believed in Humanism and Existentialism- “the Third force” , that came as a response to the complete disregard of spirituality or man’s ability to overcome his bodily instincts ;social conditioning, or childhood traumas – deterministic theories preached by Behaviorists and Freudian and Post Freudian Psycho Analysts. I did not want to believe that all there is to me is a combination of childhood traumas, fixations, regressions, struggles between my realistic ego, impulse driven Id, and moral, perfectionist super-ego.  (Freud, “Dissection of personality” 31, pp. 111) [Note that all these terms are not what they are in everyday speech, ego is a psychological Freudian term, as well as unconscious, etc.) [See: https://ujdigispace.uj.ac.za/handle/10210/1524 – the Third Force]

Do note that Freud, himself escaped the Holocaust before it reached Austria, and moved to England a year before he passed away. He grew up in direct contact with this hard, bitter, inhumane world. No wonder he felt this way…(See more: http://www.jta.org/1939/09/25/archive/sigmund-freud-dead-in-england-year-after-exile-from-austria).

How would you feel, I wonder?.. Hmm.. tough question.. It ‘seems so distant from my reality at the moment’ …I think I would cease to feel.. for feeling is too much of a demand in this barbaric world – this stage for evil practice. Yes, that is exactly how I would react – as if this were all a play.. a fictional play that ends joyfully.. lives are restored, lovers are reunited and we all live happily ever after in harmony and rejoice…

Furthermore, I did not want to believe in Behaviorism – whether Classical (Skinner), or Social, Cognitive (Bandura) and buy into the belief that all that society has conditioned me into thinking, including my teachers, parents, friends or through modelling others’ behaviors (Bandura, Social Modelling) or whoever else- that they could inadvertently dictate my behaviors and responses through reward and punishment, with no actual ‘self’ to change such instrumental conditioning. (Skinner; Tolman, Thorndike- The law of effect) .Oh no, these theories made me feel like I was trapped in the past, in the volatile, gruesome past – the past of my worst nightmares- dictated by the Nazi Regime. [see: http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/xge/15/6/601/; http://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html;http://www.muskingum.edu/~psych/psycweb/history/tolman.htm ]

Oh no.. I could not bear facing such a past. I could not even process such a thing. That is why, after all the criticism, the notary Freud reigns dominant in his defense mechanism theories. How could the brilliant Freud have faced such criticisms, might you ask? Well, for the very same reason that the Jews of the 1930’s refused to believe in the cold reality before them. Instead of remaining in this life that is “not easy”, instead of fighting reality with the moral super ego demands, thereby restricting our aggressive and sexual urges to the bare minimum, we would use a defense mechanism.

The basic “self-defense mechanism” known to mankind is the act of Repression. —It is such an effective little thing, that you don’t even have to acknowledge that such a reality exists.. or tend to it.. You can go about life, in complete oblivion of what is occurring in order to protect you from the impending anxiety. Another defense mechanism, falling under the umbrella of Repression is the well known “Denial”. Only this time, Freud claims that such defenses are completely unconscious.. totally veiled from entering the conscious mind.

“Freud, you absolute genius, you! Although your ego was a bit too inflated, you had every reason for holding such a high self esteem. Sorry, Master Freud.. forget that actually… Only Post-modernists could claim such a thing.. not you, the realistic, but oh so lucid Freud…”

Freud in his “Introductory Lectures on Psycho-Analysis” (S. Freud 1916-17, translated from German to English) compares himself to Copernicus and Darwin with regards to their ground-shattering discoveries, no matter how controversial they were at first. He states that:                “Human megalomania will have suffered its third and most wounding blow from the psychological research of the present time which seeks to prove to the ego that it is not even master in its own house, but must content itself with scanty information of what is going on unconsciously in its mind. We psycho-analysts were not the first and not the only ones to utter this call to introspection [See Watson, Wundt University], but it seems to be our fate to give it its most forcible expression and to support it with empirical material which affects every individual. Hence arises the general revolt against our science, the disregard of all considerations of academic civility and the releasing of the opposition from every restraint of impartial logic. And beyond all this we have yet to disturb the peace of this world in still another way…”   [sic]

Although I could acknowledge the basis of Humanism in Carl Rogers’ “Unconditional Positive Regard Theory”… Though I could be an avid believer of Victor Frankl… Frankl – who ‘funny enough’ survived the Holocaust himself by merit of his self-claimed and established method of “logo-therapy”, of elevating oneself from the Earthly atrocities of the concentration camps, into the world of the imagination, into the world of Divine belief and resilience. I was most impressed by this mindset when reading about this in “A man’s Search for meaning”

…Lord knows how much I need this meaning right now.. Maybe that is why I am going to carry on believing in Humanism. I see so clearly that such Existentialism- such Humanism, even amid the inhumanities of the Holocaust regime may actually co-incide with Freud’s theories. [see:http://logotherapy.univie.ac.at/e/lifeandwork.html]

Oh yes, Freud, you have finally won me over.  Congrats.. never saw that one coming!

Forget your countless experiments on your testees, and grandchildren.. your psycho-analytic therapy, ‘talking cure”, “Cleaning the chimneys”, experiments with Hypnosis, Free Associations, etc. Forget it all! Oh yes, here comes Daniella Cohen to prove the wisdoms of  your therapy. Here I come, wondering whether I am after all delusional or just stupid…[see: http://www.wien-vienna.com/freud.php]

Nonetheless, you are watching me from above, proud, because I have finally completely succumbed to your teachings. I have finally been convinced of your “disturb[ance] of peace .. [in] this world “. Oh yes, Freud, you have finally, as you write in your “Interpretation of dreams” – penetrated my conscious-  “A dream is the royal road to the conscious [mind]”. Well Freud, you have enabled me to finally understand that all this time I’ve repressed a terrifying reality, a horrific threat to my safety, and most frightening of all – an eliminating blow to my beliefs, to my ease of mind.[see:http://www.smithwebdesign.com/worldofdreams/theory.html; http://www.psychologistworld.com/psychologists/freud_1.php]

I thank you though Freud. I thank you, because you have given me hope. Even if your hope is not the hope I have always dreamed about.. my ‘happily ever afters’, that my dreams entice me with. Oh, THEY almost won me over.. they almost destined me to following a trance-like daydream.. They almost turned me into a delusional fool.. ALMOST…As the saying goes, ‘the most disturbed are those unaware of their insanity’… I owe you Sigmund Freud a huge sense of gratitude. Although you have fought your numerous critics, who still continue to challenge your findings, somewhat hopelessly… No one, as you voiced yourself, wants to believe that they are not even “master[s] in their own home[s]”.

Oh yes.. I have to admit that when it comes down to it, I probably have a greater chance fighting Hamas’ impending terrorist attacks.. their desperate efforts to enter my homeland.. to defile it and murder those around me, than destroying my internal self-destruction… Luckily I have the IDF to protect me. Luckily I made the choice to come live in Israel. Israel – the only place in the world – even in the midst of its wars, in which I will ever feel safe.Like I said, I have the IDF, but overseas, you have the Anti-Semitic and Anti-Zionistic threats that have not abated, no matter how much the world condemns Holocaust, Genocide and Terrorism. Who is to defend your poor souls? I tremble at the very thought, as I start chewing away at my nails in a desperate attempt at abating my anxiety…

I have never deeply internalized such dismal thinking.. Nevertheless, my surprising mentor, Sigmund Freud has finally awakened me from my “psychosis”, from my “fixation in the oral stage” or whichever symptomatic developmental delay I possess, causing me to regress, from my internal conflicts- the inner storm that does not ever wash over…

For so long, my defense mechanism, my illusion of the support I had from my fellow brothers and sisters has been rock hard – not wavering for a second. Not even a split-second ever passed, when I was not firm in my belief that all of us Jews and Israelis were united as one. The enemy was always right before me – my surrounding Muslim, Jihadist neighbors, my South African fellows that want to send my brave IDF soldiers – my brothers and defenders to jail since they are South African volunteers ‘encouraging the occupation and “Israeli Apartheid”‘.[Please see: http://www.jpost.com/International/South-Africa-threatens-to-prosecute-citizens-serving-in-Israeli-military-370559] What a shock did I get when I finally awakened, and realized most horrendously that I am my own worst enemy!! Yes I, not you Nazi Germany, not you Julius Malema, Jacob Zuma, Mahmoud Abbas, Barak Obama, Hamas, Hizballa, ISIS, Taliban – me, myself and I. Whew,I must say,  it’s actually a bit of a relief… I can for the first time not invest myself in external matters, and just concentrate purely on myself…”Oh here we go..her, egocentric nature is creeping out- tuts Freud..”

Who knows what “me/ myself/I” is though?.. I have been taught to believe (social conditioning, absorbed by the Super-ego and a perfect example for instrumental conditioning) that my fellow Jews, are “One Nation with One heart”. For this very reason, we merited to see miraculous acts of G-d during the desert, when we fled from our Egyptian oppressors, in the ancient days.[see:http://www.dafyomi.co.il/parsha/beshal4.htm]

I wonder, after all, if Freud’s negation of religious belief is in fact the correct approach, or whether Victor Frankl exceeds Freud’s genius theories? Hmm.. for that you have to question what it means to survive a Holocaust..

Are you a survivor merely because you waited and sat patiently while the Nazis exterminated your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, doctor, Rabbi?

—Are you a survivor, like Frankl, because you were only able to escape into the wonders of your mind and emerge ‘safe’ afterward – to the devastating realization, that all you have left is yourself, on your own- some?

Alternatively, do you take the cautious, scientific and cynical approach that Freud so passionately adopted?– To no one’s notice or care. He went his own way, defied the crazy stares of the self -denying individuals, those only too afraid of accepting reality and its inevitable consequences.

Hey, I don’t blame them.. Who the hell wants to wake up to this world? You have got to be seeing Freud or some other Psychotherapist if you want to dare do so much as peak out of that heavenly bubble of oblivion. Ahh what I would do to be back there!!..

On second thought, what bliss is it to know that I am a survivor either way.. Yet, with this understanding, I can spare myself and my loved ones, without having to suck up to public pressures… Without having to fight the despicable behaviors of my enemies, for I know that at the end of the day, at the end of the dream, at the end of the terror tunnel, at the end of the lighted path of life- what lays before me is my own conscience.. my perceptions and my beliefs.

No one else seems to matter when you are standing in front of a bomb, when you are standing before a missile…

Unless.. unless.. I have not been fooled by my Torah teachings.. Unless, there really is a G-d beyond the science, the natural, evolutionary hostilities, survival -like and evolutionary theories that I just cannot seem to accept as a full explanation for my existence in this world.

Freud, don’t worry. I have not abandoned you, Frankl, I’m still here – although questionable.. if you consider what “here” may mean…

I am here, I am facing reality. I am in no denial. I am under no illusion, no spell.. I am not fixated, or regressing, or acting on my aggressive instincts, nor my instrumental conditioning gained through past reward and punishment.

I am all of the above, and more. I have the Jewish spirit in me – whether anyone wants to join me or not. I have the evolutionary fighter instinct, ability to respond to attacks with my aggressive impulses, the freedom to believe in what I want, when I want, and to refuse to conform to foolish behaviors and unfounded norms.

Earlier, G-d, I asked you for a miracle. I was expecting this great ‘happily ever after’..a Disney ending (Social conditioning….) Alas! I have just realized that the ‘happily ever after’ resides not ‘out there in the future’, but in the ‘here an now’ – maybe not in the battle field, maybe not in my personal dominating fears of a repeated Holocaust, maybe not when I attend university amid the Terror attacks in East Jerusalem, not even when I see my own brothers and sisters, supporting the ‘enemy’, without defending our own people – donning a Keffiyeh and rejecting the right to a Jewish state.[http://ewn.co.za/2014/08/10/King-David-former-leaders-support-Joshua-Broomberg]

Maybe not any of that.. maybe Frankl, along with Freud are ultimately correct in implying that the biggest enemy lies not outside, yet within.

Yes, G-d, I prayed for a miracle, and you, as always have granted me one that will never cease to stupefy me.. You, my Lord, have blessed me with the insight to learn from my mentors, to learn from my surroundings, to learn from the wonders of science,to learn from my brothers, to learn from your Torah, and most importantly to learn from myself.

G-d, i must thank you from the bottom of my heart, for finally rescuing me from my hypocritical slanders and backlashes.. for my ordering the Jewry of the World around – to act.. when all it ends up doing at the end of the day is make me more depressed, frustrated and outraged at the lack of response. So, G-d, in these supposed dark and gloomy days, you have provided me with the light.. the light that will G-d willing shine before my IDF soldiers in their quest to blow up those tunnels.. the enlightenment of the Diaspora and the Enlightenment of our enemies – whoever they may be…

G-d, you have given me the greatest gift of all – the ability to pick my battles.. and to leave the rest to you…

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

Daniella Cohen

This paper is dedicated to another mentor of mine, without which all of this knowledge would be inaccessible – Dr. Eduardo Duniec.. thank you for igniting some of that light. I am forever indebted to your wonderful teachings. G-d bless! [Course in the Theories of Personality, Dr. Eduardo Duniec, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem; Introduction to Psychology, Dr. Eduardo Duniec, Rothberg International School of Jerusalem]