Are you a workaholic and liking it?

Take responsibility, too, for your psychological, physical, and social health

It’s hard to get out of the slave mentality because everyone praises you for it until you forget there is more to a good life than work.

It’s hard to stop working if you use it not to feel distress. But a realist and feel and explore your emotions. Smart people listen to their emotions, too.

No, you’re not lazy or wasting your precious time and opportunities when you admit that your emotions, body, and relationships need work, too.

Special attention for (mostly) women doing much ‘invisible’ work in chores and during pregnancies. ‘A woman’s work is never done’? Not any longer!

Who lies on their deathbed thinking, ‘Too bad I wasn’t at work more’?

‘Even (the lowly valued) prostitutes say no.’ Jews pray every morning, ‘The difference between a human and an animal is nil,’ i.e., humans can say no!

‘Hard work is good work,’ but you should not work as a slave. Hard work should not be an automatism, a habit, or by default—only by choice.

‘But I like it’ doesn’t prove it’s by choice. Refraining may prove you chose. Keeping Shabbat saves many lives emotionally, physically, and relationally.

Isn’t it beautiful, a principle-driven life? That depends on the principle. Let’s say working for a better world for all. That’s beautiful, but only if you are included in the ‘for all’ and your needs are also included now.

The Sages of the Talmud know this, asking rhetorically: If not for yourself, for whom should you be? (Two true partners may leave it to the other.) If you’re only for yourself, what do you live for? And if not now, when?

Being an introvert is no excuse to avoid all people and relationships.

Rest, take a break or nap, praise your body before it hurts from overuse.

Working while sick may endanger recovery and long-term productivity.

‘If I honor my emotion of not feeling like doing things, I would never lift a finger in my life’ means, I need a break now, and it won’t take forever.

‘May G^d lengthen our days’ means that at the end of the day, a Jew may say, ‘Today I did everything that I wanted to do’—which is a great blessing.

Workaholism is a silent scream for intimacy. You’re not a machine.

Perfectionism is also over-the-top. Most of the time, a mistake is not the end of the world. At the expense of what are you aiming for perfection? Trying never to make a mistake is a mistake. Making mistakes is the privilege of those who do the work.

A perfectionist is an extremist and that’s easier than walking the middle road and seeking moderation.

When we go extreme in a thing, we often go minimalistic in its opposite. ‘Extremists’ are just unbalanced.

Most people need to take more responsibility and do less pampering and fun things; that’s not for you to model. Your task is to say: ‘Less is More.’

It is physically impossible and relationally undesirable to try to do everything you can think of. Leave some work to others or G^d.

Don’t prove that workaholism gives the best life by going on strike under circumstances that create huge disasters. Be responsible on when to quit.

It’s hard work quitting being a workaholic and not for the faint of heart. It’s harder when you’re raised on the expectation to serve (women, Socialists).

No, when you take a second job, you don’t double your free time!

Resting, relaxing, and sleeping under influence doesn’t count, is faking it.

Mountain climbing might be a refreshing vacation but is not unwinding.

If you were trained to be a workaholic, you can train yourself to be human.

If you’re exhausted, maybe you’re not lazy for quitting but overworked?

It is not enough to think (briefly) about these things. We need to promise to change our lives. Here is such a promise to say over and over again:

“Sometimes, I remember that I’m only human, and, fortunately or unfortunately, I might decide not to do things.”

Explanation for bystanders: Perfectionists and workaholics don’t take more responsibility. Rather, they ignore the duties that you prioritize.

You are a workaholic if you always do what G^d, society, and the people around you ask but always end up lacking time for your own needs.

About the Author

MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. * As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. * This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. * Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. * He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. * He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. * His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1