Ban Promises Completely Independent Smearing Of IDF

New York, September 10 – United nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon called for the establishment of an independent inquiry into certain Israeli actions during the recent Gaza War, and assured his audience that the commission will independently reach anti-Israel conclusions.

Ban announced the investigation into the killing of more than a dozen people and wounding of scores more, including UN personnel, in attacks on UN-run schools in the Gaza Strip. He reassured the international community that any evidence not consistent with a picture of a demonic, murderous, bloodthirsty Israel will be either downplayed or ignored by the committee.

The independent commission will be instructed to begin its investigation with the explosions that caused the actual deaths, to avoid prejudicing the examination with objectivity. “The investigation will be independent not just of on-paper loyalties to any party to the conflict, but of any connection with proper context,” said Ban. If the investigation were to examine the presence of weapons or fighters in those facilities, he explained, that would force them to account for the possible military nature of those facilities as IDF targets, and the investigators would no longer be independent of those facts.

A similar sensibility guided the UN Human Rights Council in setting up the Schabas Commission into Israeli actions during the war, in that the Council specifically instructed the commission members to begin their investigation into events starting the day after three Jewish teenagers were kidnapped and murdered by Palestinians. That day marked a roundup of Hamas members by Israeli security forces in reaction to the kidnapping. Ordaining that the investigation exclude the kidnapping predefined the commission’s role as biased against Israel.

Ban also said he would specifically look for a Jew to head the commission so that everyone would willingly accept its anti-Israel conclusions, since such a measure worked so well in the Goldstone Commission inquiry into Operation Pillar of Defense.

Find more of David’s snark at PreOccupied Territory.