Being Family

Over the years, I have often said that “family come in all shapes and sizes.” I’ve said that talking to friends who are managing blended families, I’ve said that with respect to friends who have become family, and I’ve said it in relation to those people with whom I work, both elders and staff. Family is not just about being connected by genetics; it is a connection at the heart.

I was reminded of the importance of family recently. One of our team, a young woman whose smile lit up a room, spent the last year fighting a losing battle against cancer. In her last days, she could no longer remain at home with her devoted husband. She needed hospice care. We opened our doors to her, and she was within our walls for the last week of her life.

The stream of visitors to her room was constant, with each of us taking a moment to hold her hand, to tell her how much we loved and valued her, and to envelope her husband in a warm hug. While end of life, especially for a young person, is difficult, we surrounded her with caring and compassion. We wrapped her in family.

After her passing, her family asked if we might have a memorial service in our building, some days after the funeral. We did just that. In a room filled with people, largely staff but also members of the community, we bid her our own farewell.  There were eulogies and funny stories. There were two musical tributes, provided by incredibly talented members of our team. We came together, we cried, we laughed through our tears, we mourned, and we celebrated her life.

What does it take to build a family in any setting, in any context? It takes a moment, a moment to notice, to smile, to exchange a kind word. It takes valuing relationships and knowing that life is all about relationships. It takes remembering that life changes in the space between one heartbeat and the next. It is so easy to forget that and so painful when we are, sadly, reminded of that truth.