Best Newspapers to Pretend to Read in a Tel Aviv Café
One of the side effects of the internet revolution, which started a quarter of a century ago, was the largest and most successful attack on copyright individual rights in the history of humanity. You can almost narrow down the success of the internet to free, unfettered, uncontrolled access to all kinds of artistic, scientific, and pornographic content. In two centuries, we went from a society of orders where craft secrets were passed from father to son (or mother to daughter) to the uncontrolled release of data in an almost rule-less space.
Printed content is worth nothing in such a world — oversaturated, devalued, and endlessly replicable. Historically, newspapers played a crucial role in framing the narrative of the world around us. When we read a newspaper, especially one with significant influence, it often defines the “truth” about people, events, and issues in a way that subtly influences our understanding and opinions. In a sense, newspapers tell us who a subject is by choosing what to highlight, what to downplay, and how to frame a story. Newspapers became the vinyl of information—the sound (or information) is better, but only for a trained ear (or brain)—over the illusion of choice offered by the Internet. Reading a newspaper already tells others you do not believe in the Internet and that you have enough time to read about what is happening around you. In a world of laptops, tablets, and cell phones, the newspaper reader is an intellectual. Never mind whether you are reading or not. Nothing is more sophisticated in a Tel Aviv Café than reading a newspaper. Even (especially) if you do not read Hebrew. Next Friday morning, when you order a cappuccino, put on your dark glasses, tie your dog to your bicycle, and think about this.
Here are the best newspapers to pretend to read in a Tel Aviv Café:
- Haaretz: It says you are a well-educated, progressive, and politically engaged individual who leans towards left-wing or center-left ideologies. You are reading the paper thinking of next Saturday’s protest. If someone asks you about it and you want to pivot you can always say you only read it because you value the TV critics there. You are a secular, urban Jew but who likes to say you are more than that: you are above all a proud Israeli who believes in democracy as long as democracy does not elect Bibi prime minister.
- Israel Hayom: Perfect if you are an attention seeker. You are conservative, nationalistic, and aligned with right-wing or center-right political views, Tel Aviv is Mars for you, and you want people to know that. Ideal when you take the morning off to destroy the breakfast of the Tel Aviv lefties who heard of your newspaper in documentaries. This newspaper is usually only read East of Ramat Gan.
- Yediot Ahronot: Nothing says I am an Israeli like this newspaper. While it maintains a centrist to center-left leaning stance this paper’s audience spans both secular and religious Israelis. The weekend edition is heavier than a brick which means, beyond politics, you are a person of letters.
- New York Times: Regardless of your nationality, this newspaper tells people around you that you care, you are in tune with American liberals, and you want people to know you either have a lot of money to get a subscription in Israel or even better you were in the States in the previous 14 to 24 hours.