Can your marriage survive planning a Bat mitzvah?

We knew this day would come. But my husband and I are both major procrastinators. My husband more so than me- he’s the type of guy, who waits till he casually bumps into a neighbor to ask a question- as opposed to just ringing their doorbell- and just flat-out ASKING his question- because in these FRIGID NYC temps, all of my neighbors are just taking long leisurely walks outdoors every chance they get .. but I digress.

So here we are planning our daughter’s bat mitzvah. Which, for all intents and purposes is just a big ole glorified birthday party- but it is also that crucial point in  her life one in which she will take stock of who she is and where she is headed (in a speech she keeps asking ME to write for her– NOT HAPPENING). And as we  get into the GRITTY part of planning a kosher bat mitzvah at a hall I have VISIONS of my older sister  in her Gunne Sax dress celebrating her bat mitzvah in our row house basement drinking out of a garden variety no-frills white plastic cup and I just remember how happy she was and how happy we all were with so much less. But lest you think I am hiring Cirque De Soleil to fly in a trapeze and breath fire for my guests- I’ll have you know I am doing EVERYTHING I possibly can to keep costs to a minimum and to remember this is a party for kids- this is not my Quincenera!

But here we are in 2013- and the bat mitzvah scene is a whole different beast and so if you’d humor me I’d like to regale you with just a few of the interactions behind the closed doors of my marriage as I plan and try to keep it all within a reasonable budget.


The husband: Who is the X family?

Me: She is my friend.

The Husband: So why have I never heard you mention her name?

Me: Well lucky for you – you will have the pleasure of making her acquaintance at the bat mitvah.

On the Menu:

The husband: Do we really need to give the kids appetizers?

Me: Would you prefer they ate their napkins while waiting for their entree?

On the clothing:

The husband: I don’t need to buy a  new suit. I’ll just wear one I already have.

Me: That’s fine- but don’t expect to be in any family pictures with your broken down threads.

I could go on and on- and invite you to listen to of these interminable exchanges- but I’ll spare you. My one word of advice for my husband- BEND OVER….

About the Author
Melissa Chapman is a writer whose work has appeared in LifetimeMoms, Momtourage, Babble, The Huffington Post, The Washington Post, Time Out NY Kids, iVillage, ABC News, Fox News, BlogHer Baby Center, and The Staten Island Advance. She blogs about her marriage and everything in between at and