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Naomi Graetz

Choosing Life over Death: Parshat Shemot

This week has been a hard week for all of us in Israel. It doesn’t matter which side you are on. We are all in pain. We are all waiting. The press is having a field day, playing on our emotions. There is no end to the suffering to which we are all being exposed. The hospitals are in-waiting for the unknown. Are the released hostages (if they are released) going to be curable, mentally and physically? It is all guesswork. And how many bodies will there be? Who are the chosen few who will be released?

In contrast to Moses’s demand that ALL the people be let go at once, and the 10 plagues to assure that no one will be left behind, our government is unable to make a deal that is lasting. If the deal goes through, it will be in dribs and drabs and for the families it is excruciating. And no one trusts our government and no one trusts the Hamas to go through with the deal. There will be no winners.

I try not to follow the news, because there is enough uncertainty in life. My son has just gone back to the Los Angeles area, at the mercy of the Santa Ana winds— where they have temporarily cut off electricity as a safety measure, so he too is in a war zone. There is the arbitrariness of nature vs. the arbitrary whims of the murderous Hamas. Furthermore, there are quite a few people in Israel who neither want the exchange of prisoners for hostages to take place nor for the war to end.  They are not only the Smotriches and Ben Gvirs in our country. They include some families of the hostages and some parents of fallen soldiers.

I have titled my blog choosing life over death because, it is clear that in this week’s parsha, Pharaoh wants to kill as many male Hebrews as he can and the midwives choose to keep as many alive as possible, even at risk to themselves. Who are they fooling when they make the outlandish statement: “Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women: they are like animals כִּֽי־חָי֣וֹת הֵ֔נָּה. Before the midwife can come to them, they have given birth” (Exodus 1: 19). Does Pharaoh really believe them? Whether he does or does not, he is determined to kill. His final solution is:  “Every boy that is born you shall throw into the Nile, but let every girl live” (Exodus 1: 22). One wonders at that. What is he afraid of? That they will form an army against him in the future? Does he know that the savior of Israel is about to be born? And why let every girl live? Aren’t they also a threat? Or does he have plans for the girls—to have them become sex slaves? The desire to kill, to eliminate, the choice of thanatos, the death drive, as a solution over eros, the life drive, is clear in this first chapter. Pharaoh who represents the death drive is aggressive and just wants to eliminate threats. The midwives, the representatives of eros, figure out, against all odds, how to survive, cooperate and still continue to reproduce against all odds.

A well-known midrash cites an example of the life force:

And there went a man of the house of Levi. Where did he go? Judah b. Zebina said that he went in the counsel of his daughter. A Tanna taught: Amram was the greatest man of his generation. When he saw that the wicked Pharaoh had decreed “every son that is born ye shall cast into the river” he said: In vain do we labor. He arose and divorced his wife. All [the Israelites] thereupon arose and divorced their wives.

His daughter said to him, “Father, thy decree is more severe than Pharaoh’s; because Pharaoh decreed only against the males whereas thou hast decreed against the males and females. Pharaoh only decreed concerning this world whereas thou hast decreed concerning this world and the World to Come. In the case of the wicked Pharaoh there is a doubt whether his decree will be fulfilled or not, whereas in thy case, though thou art righteous, it is certain that thy decree will be fulfilled, as it is said: Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee!” He arose and took his wife back. And they all arose and took their wives back…. (BT Sotah 12a)

True there will be risks and suffering, if we procreate, but the life force is strong and we have to give it a chance. The people who are opposing the deals to get back the hostages (both living and dead) represent to me the lure of thanatos. They want power; they want more territory; they want to kill the enemy; they see no way out. Their only choice is violence. Those who want to get back the hostages are willing to take chances: it is not that they are unaware of the risks. But to them, each life that is saved has potential. As to those who are dead, they, and their families, are entitled to closure, to an end to uncertainty.

This morning I awoke to the headline: “Israel and Hamas sign hostage-ceasefire deal after mediators iron out final kinks.”  Until the deals are made and all the hostages are returned, life cannot go on. No doubt, even Yocheved, Moses’s mother — having been given a chance to have a child, still waited until he was actually born, and checked that he had ten fingers and ten toes. And then only then, after the actual birth, was she able to breathe easily. And then came the hard work of raising a child in a hostile environment. So let us wait with hope, not optimism, and be prepared for a worst case scenario. And  I would like to end with a prayer that is making the rounds of social media in Hebrew, written by Ayelet Cohen Wieder. My son, Rabbi Tzvika Graetz, translated it and made some changes to the prayer to include the bodies of those who have been abducted.

A PRAYER

Prayer Upon the Release of Hostages

May it be Your will

That You send blessings and success to the efforts of our emissaries,

And bring back in peace all of our hostages, captives and abductees:

Infants and children, the elderly, young men and young women.

May You guide their paths homeward to their land, their homes,

To healing and restoration,

And may You help them return to their full strength.

Bring back all the bodies of those who have been abducted to eternal rest in the land of Israel, and grant some closure for their mourning of their loved ones.

Guard us from conflicts and disputes within,

And unite our hearts in truth,

Through diverse perspectives, values, and differences,

With mutual respect.

For what we share is far greater than what divides and separates us.

Silence the voices of critics and those who belittle,

Both from within and from outside.

Return our soldiers to their homes

In peace,

Healthy in body and spirit.

May Your presence dwell among us,

And may You bring peace upon us and our surroundings,

Now and forevermore.

About the Author
Naomi Graetz taught English at Ben Gurion University of the Negev for 35 years. She is the author of Unlocking the Garden: A Feminist Jewish Look at the Bible, Midrash and God; The Rabbi’s Wife Plays at Murder ; S/He Created Them: Feminist Retellings of Biblical Stories (Professional Press, 1993; second edition Gorgias Press, 2003), Silence is Deadly: Judaism Confronts Wifebeating and Forty Years of Being a Feminist Jew. Since Covid began, she has been teaching Bible and Modern Midrash from a feminist perspective on zoom. She began her weekly blog for TOI in June 2022. Her book on Wifebeating has been translated into Hebrew and is forthcoming with Carmel Press in 2025.
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